The Daly Show

Season 21, Episode 8

First aired 29 September 2016

We open with Mack and Dee in the street being all giggly and in love, which is of course TV shorthand for “it’s all about to hit the fan for them.” They spot John Joe and Katy moving her stuff out of Jason’s, and while Mack hopefully suggests that she’s doing some autumnal spring cleaning, or possibly taking her old stuff on Antiques Roadshow I guess, Dee knows it means Katy and Jason have broken up “again!”, as she editorializes. Well, she’s not wrong. She tells Mack that she should go check on Katy and find out what’s going on, since the two of them are so close and supportive and all, but Mack quickly says that, no, he should go talk to her, and Dee reminds us that it was Mack’s door Katy knocked on the last time she and Jason broke up. Well, I’d say it was more that he knocked on her door, really, if I remember how straight-people sex works.

At Gaudi, David is on the phone desperately trying to get in touch with teen tearaway Pól’s brother when last year’s teen tearaway Rónán bursts in all out of breath and teen traumatized because Pól has just trashed An Teaghlach. David furrows his brow and then assures Rónán he’ll take care of it, which Rónán does not believe at all because he has actually met David. You can’t karate away all your problems, Father!

Bobbi-Lee is on the phone at the café getting fired from her band when Mack arrives to talk to Katy, who is stroppy and defiant, and we really wish she’d save this bad behavior for Dee, because Mack is much too nice, and also handsome. Katy tells him that she and Jason have broken up, but assures him that it’s nothing to do with “that night,” and they argue a bit about who slept with whom, and how many it takes to tango, and then Katy announces that at least Mack can still carry on with his normal life and then storms out of the café in a huff. Berni arrives smilingly at just this moment, because whenever there is conflict and despair, you can always count on one of the village’s Greek chorus to show up to make things worse: if it’s not Berni with her menacing fringe, it’s Tadhg popping out of a closet like a haunted-house ghoul or Caitríona materializing to write a book about it. Berni’s trouble radar then leads her back to the counter, where Bobbi-Lee sadly confesses she can’t sing anymore, though she claims it’s because she’s worried that people will show up just to gawk at her after the whole Andy thing. Berni empathizes, and assures her that she’ll be back onstage singing in no time. Hopefully it will be “Proud Mary” at a christening or “Piece of My Heart” at a funeral.

Back at Gaudi, Katy gives Jason back the house key and the two of them argue for a bit before he storms off. Dee, who has used her lawyering powers to get a table right in the middle of the fight zone, asks Katy what she’s done to ruin everything now, and is a little too smiley about it. Katy gives her a disgusted “who farted?” look, which I may start referring to as “shooting her a Katy,” and when Dee volunteers to babysit Cuán tonight so Katy and Jason can try to talk things through, Katy tells her to go cram it up her et cetera and storms off. Dee and her giant eyes look sad, and I swear she looks like a gorgeous anime princess.

John Joe is at the shop preparing for grandfatherdom by studying a package of Pampers (?) when Tadhg arrives to mock him for still wearing nappies and then ask when he’s coming back to work after injuring his back at Peadar’s funeral, which of course we had all forgotten happened. John Joe replies that it could be a while because back injuries are serious, and back injuries that happen at work are especially serious according to Dee, who is an IMPORTANT SOLICTOR FAMOUS FOR DEFENDING SEX TRAFFICKERS. Tadhg throws a fiver at him and tells him it’s all the compensation he’ll be getting, and given my extensive legal expertise based on 20 years of my mother being disappointed that I did not go to law school, I would advise him to take it. Bobbi-Lee arrives and, noticing a poster on the wall promoting an upcoming production of something I have never heard of which turns out to be a very famous play apparently, asks John Joe if he’ll be auditioning. Well, when I think of the theatre, I certainly think of John Joe. Tadhg tells Bobbi-Lee she should be over at the pub working instead of standing in the shop being stupid, and insults John Joe again for good measure on his way out, but Bobbi-Lee is too busy imagining herself in the lead role to care.

At the pub, Caitríona is asking Frances how Áine is doing, but Frances immediately recognizes that she’s fishing for scandal for her next book and is having none of it. Caitríona goes into Meryl Streep mode and assures her in calm, soothing tones, like a computerized voicemail reminding you of your upcoming colonoscopy, that she’s a friend and mother and that she remembers how terrible it was when Maeve got kidnapped and nobody wrote a book about it. Eventually she successfully invites herself upstairs to grill Áine for lurid details volunteer her counseling expertise in a caring sharing way, and she’s laying it on so thick she’ll need a shovel to get to the staircase.

At a table, Dee is frustrated with Mack that neither of them was able to get any dirt out of Katy, and honestly, what the hell did she expect Mack of all people to pry out of her? She’s lucky he didn’t go talk to some other person named Katy. Anyway, Dee proclaims that the problem with Katy is that she always thinks she’s right, and she is unanimous in that. She concocts a plan in which she will go grill Katy and Mack will go grill Jason, and hopefully Mack will figure out that this does not involve putting Jason on an actual grill.

Dickhead Pól is out on the street being a dickhead to David, which we don’t have to care about quite yet, and then we cut to the kitchen at the pub, where Áine is asking Caitríona what she’s doing there. Caitríona acts like butter wouldn’t melt in her food input slot, and Áine uses it as an opportunity to strong-arm a plate of biscuits out of her. Caitríona better be careful with Áine or she’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with her kidney missing. Caitríona suggests they sit down and play a game she knows called Let’s Talk About That Time You Got Kidnapped And Then Almost Killed In The Forest While I Write It Down. Áine is skeptical, but eventually Caitríona wears her down with her confusing honey-coated voice and endless stream of biscuits.

Out in the street, there is more nonsense with Pól, which now involves O’Shea, and it continues after the break over at Gaudi. It’s very Law & Order: Idiot Teenager Unit. David talks O’Shea into letting him handle it, and because O’Shea is totally over this foolishness, she agrees and goes back to wherever she came from.

Frances walks in on Áine telling Caitríona that she knows Andy is never coming back because her daddy said so, so she sends Áine off to do her homework and then throws Caitríona out, but not before telling her to stay away from her daughter or she’ll be sorry. Maybe there’ll be a Caitríona-shaped dent in the back of Frances’ car to balance out the Andy-shaped one on the front.

Downstairs, Tadhg is congratulating Jason on dumping Katy, telling him that each and every one of the Dalys is a liar. Even the fetus?? Confusingly, though, this does not make Jason feel better somehow.

Back at Gaudi, Pól is still being an asshole to David because he has A Troubled Past and whatnot, and this storyline is really getting on my nerves. David, because he is David, is kind and gives Pól money, which will in no way come back and bite him in the ass later, for example five minutes from now.

At the pub, Jason is now being comforted by Frances, who is somewhat more sympathetic than Tadhg in that she is not just talking shit about Katy. He confesses that Katy is pregnant, and Frances tells him that she and Tadhg had a similar problem years ago, and her name is Áine. I hope this means Mack is probably Áine’s father, too. I like the idea of all the children in the village being fathered by Mack.

Dee arrives Chez Daly, and as soon as she walks in the door, Katy snots that she already told her to butt out and mind her own business. Dee gives her a great look like she’s about to fly over there and start pulling out Katy’s hair by the handful, but then sadly decides to take the high road and sits down to converse constructively in an emotionally open and non-hair-pulling-out way. Of course, this being the Daly sisters, Dee’s helpful, comforting advice consists of telling Katy she’s made a huge mistake letting a guy like Jason go and that she’s been a spoiled, ungrateful brat ever since she was a child and additionally needs to grow the eff up. It feels like Jeremy Kyle is about to emerge from the wardrobe, but instead John Joe shows up and tells Katy she better tell Dee what’s actually going on.

Meanwhile, next door Jason is telling Mack that it’s good riddance because the Dalys are nothing but liars and so on, and then we quickly cut back to the Dalys’ house, where Katy confesses to Dee that she’s pregnant. This rapid back-and-forthing between the girls’ side and the boys’ side is very “Summer Nights” from Grease. Tell me more, tell me more, like did he knock you up in a car? Dee is confused and thinks this should be good news, what with Katy’s upside-down uterus and all, but Katy says she’s afraid people will think that she got pregnant on purpose.

Somewhere, Pól is on the phone asking David to come meet him by the recycling bins in the abandoned park, which is not suspicious at all, and then we cut to the pub, where Uncle Pest has arrived to promote the play we heard about earlier, which he is apparently organizing. He encourages Frances to audition for the lead, and just then Bobbi-Lee teleports in from Not Working Land to talk about how whoever wrote this play is totes her favorite playwright, duh, and when Uncle Pest asks which is her favorite part of the play, she’s like, “Err, all of it, obvs!” Then he delivers a dramatic monologue from the play and looks to her for her response, which is “Huh?”, and it’s hilarious, and classic Bobbi-Lee. She points out to him, in case he doesn’t know, that she is the undisputed star of stage and screen around here, and Frances and Tadhg are watching this whole slow-motion trainwreck unfold until Tadhg finally asks if anybody is going to do any work today, and I can’t wait to see where this is going.

Mack has completed his scouting mission and returned to Daly HQ, where he reports that his findings are “buh?” Katy tells him and Dee that she’s grateful for their help, but that it’s time they stay out of it, and as they leave, Katy pulls Dee aside and begs her not to tell anyone, especially Mack. Dee agrees, and I give it about 30 seconds before she tweets the news to her 80,000 followers. My idiot sister’s bf dumped her cos she’s preggo! LOL #DumbHo

David arrives at the sketchy, isolated, abandoned park, which is at the corner of Mugger Lane and Ambush Boulevard. Pól pops out from behind the recycling pods and knocks him to the ground with a punch to the head, and as he stands over him, sneers, “Now who is helpless!” Pól better watch out, because I suspect he’s in for a serious karate-ing!

Next time: Caitríona doesn’t believe Frances’ story that Andy is on the run from the Gardaí. Frances tells her to mind her own business and leave Áine alone, but Caitríona is going to get to the bottom of this one way or the other! Yes, and Frances will probably invite her to meet her by the recycling bins at the park to discuss matters.