My Mother's Back, and I'm Gonna Be in Trouble

Season 20, Episode 62

First aired 29 March 2016

We open with Fia sitting at the kitchen table putting on makeup, and judging by the state of her face, this activity has been going on for a while. She finishes, or rather her supply runs out, and puts her coat on to leave just as Evan shows up. She explains that she’s on her way to Galway because her children’s allowance has come through and she needs to buy some more makeup. Someone should tell her it would last longer if she didn’t treat a tube of lipstick as a single serving. When he complains about the mess, she says she’ll clean it up when she gets back, and when he asks when that will be, she helpfully explains, “Later.” Then she tells him to “chillax,” and I am officially done with her. As she skips out the door, he yells after her that she should be ashamed of herself, leaving Péadar and Máire to take care of her baby while she doesn’t lift a finger. She comes back to give him a lecture on the plight of today’s single mother, and there is more of their usual arguing before she leaves and slams the door behind her. Just then, Evan gets a text saying “I’m on my way,” and we all hope it’s Supernanny Jo Frost come to straighten up this dysfunctional mess.

At Berni’s, Bobbi-Lee returns from shopping with the mail in her hand. She puts an obviously empty milk carton down on the counter and starts to open an envelope when she hears someone coming, so she stuffs it in her coat and quickly gets into an “I wasn’t doing anything!” position, which in this case involves casually leaning against the counter as if she’s waiting for a bus. It’s Berni, who’s spun the Berni Wheel Of Complaining and landed on “it took you too long to get the milk.” Bobbi-Lee explains that she got held up by the apparently sexy postman, who wanted her autograph. Berni doesn’t even reply to this nonsense, instead flipping through the mail and complaining that it’s all junk. Bobbi-Lee offers that at least it’s not a bunch of bills, and then the subtitles claim that Berni says this gem: “Unfortunately they are unavoidable, and they have to be paid at some point,” which is a sentence no one would ever say unless they were in a foreign-language textbook having a conversation that also included “Twelve francs! That’s very expensive, but it is a gift for my aunt!” and “Where is the train station? Is it far?” Bobbi-Lee, nervously hiding the letter under her coat, asks Berni if she’s opening the café today, and when Berni says that no, Siobhán is doing it for her, Bobbi-Lee announces that when she went by earlier, nobody was there, especially not Siobhán doing any kind of opening. Berni flips out and goes flying out the door in a rage, hungry for poor Siobhán’s blood, and we wonder why Bobbi-Lee didn’t, for example, GO READ THE LETTER IN THE BATHROOM rather than probably getting poor Siobhan, who I am imagining is a single mother with a severe limp whose twelve children all have different disabilities, fired. Bobbi-Lee opens the letter, and of course it’s Berni’s credit card bill, showing that Bobbi-Lee has racked up a balance of €1942.57. Oops! Well, if she needs a job to pay it off, I know a local café which is probably hiring as of two minutes from now.

Ex-Priests Make Strange Bedfellows

Season 20, Episode 61

First aired 24 March 2016

It’s the morning after the Cois Tine, and a very hung over David wakes up in an unfamiliar bed, decorated in shades of pink and pinker. He has no idea where he is until he sees a photo of Bobbi-Lee on the nightstand, which is of course a hilarious 8 x 10 glossy of her in a cowgirl hat looking saucily over her shoulder. This makes him realize he didn’t spend the night in his own bed, because at his house, there’s an 8 x 10 glossy of himself in a cowgirl hat looking saucily over his shoulder by the bed. He starts to get up and discovers he’s in his boxers, and the whole time he looks like an increasingly confused Fred Flintstone who’s just woken up on Betty Rubble’s rock.

As we move from sexy to sexier, Jason wakes up to find a pleased-looking Katy watching him sleep, which is one of those things you can get away with in the early stages of a relationship, but after you’ve been together a while you wake up to find your partner staring at you and are like, “What?!?”, and he or she replies, “You’ve got a really long hair coming out of your nose.” This is what you have to look forward to, Katy and Jason. They compliment each other cutely on how sexy the previous night’s sex was, and fortunately before we can throw up too much, Cuán starts crying and Jason goes to fetch him. Katy smiles sweetly at first, but then wistfully, and what this scene really needs is a photo of Bobbi-Lee in a cowgirl hat by the bed.

My Imaginary Boyfriend Went to a Cois Tine and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

Season 20, Episode 60

First aired 22 March 2016

It’s the day of the Cois Tine, and Bobbi-Lee appears to be bedazzling a pair of snakeskin boots so they’ll match her outfit. Because, I guess, her outfit is … Wild West Pimp? I don’t even know. She reminds Berni that she’s meeting her frenemy Suzanne Somebody, to whom she was spewing a bunch of lies last week about how famous and constantly sexed-up she is. Berni tells her she can always buy a new pair of shoes and throw those old boots in a bin—preferably one several counties over—and Bobbi-Lee points out that if she had any money, she would. She mentions that she deserves a reward for finding Cathal’s will because rewards are a thing, and she presents into evidence a TV show she saw this one time, which she is probably making up, and if you were watching last week, you’ll recall that Bobbi-Lee always has a vaguely remembered TV show ready to prove her point. Through her pursed lips, Berni asks if Bobbi-Lee is seriously asking for a finder’s fee for something she found while snooping, and of course Bobbi-Lee is like, “Uhh, yeah.” So Berni appears to present Bobbi-Lee with a new designer handbag, but it turns out she’s bought the bag for herself, and she is actually giving Bobbi-Lee something much smaller and cheaper. I can’t tell what it is, but it looks like a 3-pack of blank VHS tapes, so that’s what I’m going to say it is.

Out in the street, Evan’s trying to get cash out of the ATM while Mo tells him that the lads are doing some work on her new house for her, i.e., trying to make it look less like someplace where one of Queen Victoria’s maids died. As usual, Evan is halfway listening, and then gets mad because the machine eats his card without giving him any cash, so Mo announces she’ll just get cash back at the shop, and we’re all satisfied with the resolution of this dramatic tale of microeconomics. Just then Máire appears and complains that she can barely keep her eyes open because Nollaig, who I guess we’re not going to call Liam II after all, kept her up all night, and that Fia is useless, which is news to no one.

Where There's A Will, There's A Won't

Season 20, Episode 59

First aired 17 March 2016

It’s St Patrick’s Day! Which is good, because otherwise the extremely elaborate costumes everyone is wearing would look strange. At the café, Bobbi-Lee is still, as my Scottish/Southern grandfather used to say, “all het up” about the money Cathal left Berni in his will. She’s harassing Berni to accept the €120,000, and you can tell by Berni’s expression that this (one-sided) conversation has been going on for a while, possibly since the end of the last episode two days ago. Berni and Evan are both reluctant to have anything to do with the money, and Bobbi-Lee, in no uncertain terms, tells them that they are both a couple of trippin’ heifers. She tells them she’s sure there are plenty of charities that would love to have the money, and before we can even say “Yeah, the Bobbi-Lee Charity,” Berni says it for us. See, Berni is so much more fun when she’s with Bobbi-Lee. Bobbi-Lee changes tactics and tells them it’s karma, that they earned the money by going on that trip to Crazytown with Cathal, and she points out all the fun Berni and Evan could have spending it. The best part is that when she tells them how much “craic” they could have with the money, Berni repeats the word “craic” hesitantly, as if she’s completely unfamiliar with the term, which, well, it’s Berni, so…. Since that doesn’t work, Bobbi-Lee tries yet another direction, and says Berni could put it in a pension or retirement fund, but Berni says no matter how she thinks about the money it doesn’t feel right, and that she’s not going to take it.

At the pub: it’s Eoin! God, I’ve missed him. I dip in and out of Fair City, but it’s really remarkable to watch Daithí Mac Suibhne and compare his performances on the two shows, because it really is like he’s a completely different person – his body language, mannerisms, expressions, tone of voice, and even his posture are completely different. It’s like he has different sets of eyes he uses depending on whether he’s playing Eoin or Emmet. Anyway, Eoin is sketching some designs for Mo of how she could transform the house she inherited last episode from Grandma’s Candy Dish into Something From The Twentieth Century, At Least. He’s moving all the rooms around and knocking out walls and, maybe, burning it to the ground so Mo can start all over again, and she exclaims that he’s so good at this that he ought to have an architectural TV show. Do we even know what Eoin does for a living? Does he have a job? Before he leaves, Eoin reminds Mo that life can change unexpectedly—a year ago he never thought he’d be married, or on two TV shows!—so she should keep in mind ways she might use the space in case she finds herself with a partner and/or some kids. She’s taken aback by the idea, and then puts on her thinking face as he leaves. Pádraig shows up in an elaborate and terrifying gold-sequined leprechaun costume to buy Mo a drink, but she’s got to go, as she’s got some thinking to do.

Bobbi-Lee: Because Good Taste Is Boring

Season 20, Episode 58

First aired 15 March 2016

We open in the café, where Katy is tense, and doesn’t appreciate Jason sneaking up behind her to scare her. Does anyone like that? She tells him she and her mom are going shopping today, and oh look, here’s Noreen now, who is bemused by this whole notion of pretend siopadóireacht, because she knows, as do we, that Katy is actually going to the Clip-Art-Butterfly Fertility Clinic today.

In the shop, Mack is furious at John Joe, who swears to him that he didn’t know that Dee was representing creepy Muiris in last week’s case. Mack raises his voice, and John Joe asks him to step three feet away to the other side of the shop to cause his scene because it’s apparently more private there. John Joe reminds Mack that he and his daughter aren’t exactly on the best of terms, so Mack should believe he didn’t know what was going on, and not blame him for Dee’s actions. Mack softens, and John Joe offers to go find Ailbhe so they’ll reopen the case, but Mack sadly says it’s over.

In the café, it looks like Noreen is drinking a coffee and Katy is drinking a cup of cream, but it turns out this isn’t the case because Katy has to fast for the procedure. Noreen says she won’t be long then since Katy can’t have anything, and then proceeds to take long, leisurely sips, like it’s the best cup of coffee of her life. She’s practically rubbing her stomach and making “yummy yummy” noises. Katy asks her mother, hypothetically of course, when she should tell a man she was involved with about her sad past, and Noreen is noncommittal and fairly useless. Katy should really go to someone more sensible with these kinds of questions, like Bobbi-Lee. She worries that not telling a man is the same as lying, and Noreen scolds her for wasting her time worrying about pointless things that will probably never happen, like getting a boyfriend.

John Joe shows up to rant about what a scheming cow Dee is, and any other day this would be Katy’s favorite topic of conversation, but today she’s pensive and wistful, so she notes sadly that Mack is heartbroken, and that she tried to tell Dee— She interrupts herself, but the damage is done: John Joe figures out that Katy knew Dee was representing yucky Muiris, and starts having a go at her. Right, because Katy is the one to blame here. John Joe yells at her, and she runs off, and then he feels awful when Noreen points out to him that today is the day of Katy’s procedure. He should pay more attention to his daughter’s storylines and less to Mack’s.

Law & Order: Smug Dee Unit

Season 20, Episode 57

First aired 10 March 2016

It’s finally the day of creepy Muiris’s trial! We open in the hallway outside the courtroom, where Ailbhe is worried that no one will believe her testimony, but Mack assures her that since she’s done nothing wrong, everything will be fine. Well, if there’s anyone whose expert legal advice I would take seriously, it’s Mack. Through gritted teeth, he announces that he’d love to give Muiris’s gang a thump for that beating they gave Ailbhe’s friend Trish, which makes a nervous Ailbhe run to the toilet to throw up. Caitríona, who is here for some reason, scolds Mack for opening his big mouth and runs off to check on Ailbhe. Mack is all, “Huh! Dames!”

At their place, Katy walks into the living room where Jason is making her breakfast in bed. It’s a good thing she comes in when she does, because they haven’t built the “Katy’s bedroom” set yet. She jokes that that’s one way to get into her bedroom, but Jason assures her he’s not pressuring her, and she’s grateful for his patience. He leaves for work, and she opens a letter that’s conveniently right where she’s sitting. It’s an envelope full of poo from Dee! No, it’s a letter from the Caroharry Clinic telling Katy she’s got an appointment in a couple of weeks. I would not trust the medical judgment of any clinic that used a silly pink clip-art butterfly in its letterhead. Katy looks nervous, because with all the recent Jason-ness going on, she’d forgotten she’s involved in this medical storyline.

Nightmare on Blecch Street

Season 20, Episode 56
First aired 8 March 2016

One of the things I love about Ros na Rún is that it keeps the stories moving along at a rapid clip, without letting them get too bogged down, and that it feels like something worthwhile happens in every episode. This one, however, feels like treading water, and is kind of a yawner. Was it broadcast opposite some program that TG4 figured everyone in Ireland would be watching, so they didn’t want to waste a real ep? Did the World Cup just happen without my noticing again?

We open with Jason looking pensive and/or constipated in the shop, and then Katy comes in, and she’s last person he wants to deal with right now, obvs. He suddenly becomes very interested in the latest issue of Seventeen or Your Horse or whatever it is that he’s pretending to look at and then remembers he’s late for an appointment in Galway and tries to dash off, but Katy wants to talk to him about what happened. He tells her the kiss was a mistake and escapes, leaving her standing there with the same open-mouthed gape we left her with at the end of last episode.

Pay No Attention To The Funeral Behind The Curtain

Season 20, Episode 55
First aired 3 March 2016

Mack and John Joe are in the street unloading counterfeit/asbestos-laden/non-cruelty-free coffins that have clearly just fallen off the back of several hearses. Mack points out that he’s not supposed to be doing any heavy lifting, what with his hernia-ectomy or whatever, but John Joe tells him they’ve got to finish before somebody (i.e., Tadgh) sees them, so Mack better shut up and lift with his stomach. The handy thing is that if Mack bursts his stitches and drops dead in the street, John Joe can hook him up with a discount semi-detached barely-used coffin. The handle of one of them almost comes off in Mack’s hand, but John Joe says he can fix it with some glue and paint, and besides, he’s pretty sure coffin handles are just decorative anyway. John Joe announces he’s not afraid of Tadgh, and then almost wets his pants when he hears someone approaching from behind, but it’s just non-murderous ol’ Vince. John Joe recruits him to help with Coffingate, but Mack worries that the more people who know about this caper, the riskier it is. Well, fortunately carrying coffin after coffin into somebody’s house in the middle of the street in broad daylight is very discreet and not suspicious at all.

At the B&B, Fia tries to make nice with Máire, who gives her the “stop kidnapping your own baby” cold shoulder. Fia is wearing a huge white bathrobe that I’m pretty sure she stole from the Hilton. The social worker is coming today, and everyone is nervous, particularly Fia, who’s afraid they’ll call Vanessa. Máire points out that the social worker will probably just take the baby away anyway so Vanessa will be a moot point, which throws Fia into a tizzy.

It Was the Best of Birthdays, It Was the Worst of Birthdays

Season 20, Episode 54

First aired 1 March 2016

I’m not sure which part of the opening credits I enjoy more: when Micheál appears out of nowhere from behind a bookcase that is too small to obscure him, as if he has phased in from another dimension, or Bobbi-Lee the crazy cowgirl doing whatever she is doing.

Anyway. We open with Berni asking Evan if there’s any news from Fia, and he says there’s not. Berni can’t believe Fia is a mother, especially considering what a scheming little ingrate she is, and tells him that Máire and Peadar are freaking out over at the B&B. She thinks they should call the Gardaí, but Evan says there’s no danger because Fia would never do anything to hurt Nollaig. Berni points out that leaving a baby on a doorstep in the dead of winter probably does not qualify Fia for Mother Of The Year. Berni mentions that Máire and Peadar are going to call Vanessa, who will surely know where Fia is, which sends Evan into a Stage III Strop and he goes flying out the door.

Over at the pub, John Joe is buying Katy lunch because it’s her birthday. Apparently somebody gave her a lot of fuchsia lipstick as a birthday gift. She has to go, but John Joe asks her to stop by his place later so he can give her his present, and she’s pleased. The two of them are getting along swimmingly, so something will probably go horribly wrong later.

A céad a cúig déag … a céad a sé déag … a céad a seacht déag …

Well, the blogspot statistics thing tells me that my Ros na Rún recaps have been viewed 117 times in the five days since the first post, including 34 views yesterday alone! So far we’ve had visitors from the US, Ireland, Germany, and Poland. Wow.

So I guess maybe there is an audience for snarky Ros na Rún recaps. What do you think about the show lately? How are you enjoying these episodes? Who do you love, who do you hate? Please leave comments!

And there’s a new episode today! What new doomsday leaflets will Máire distribute? Who will Katy roll her eyes at? And will we ever see Eoin and Eimear again? Let’s find out!

Thanks for reading. GRMA!

PS, in case there's any doubt in your mind as a result of my extreme snarkiness: holy cow, I am completely in love with Ros na Rún. It's seriously, like, my favorite thing. I tease it because I love.