A Crazy Shade of Winter

Season 21, Episode 33

First aired 27 December 2016

We begin this episode in which all hell finally breaks loose with a typical morning of Dee shaking a hung-over Mack awake and him immediately apologizing for being an idiot. It’s nice that his automatic reaction to seeing his soon-to-be wife is terror, and also recognition that he’s an idiot. She complains that he stinks of drink as Noreen enters and starts shooting daggers at him. She offers her non-cheating daughter a cup of tea, but Dee replies that she should give it to Mack because he needs it more than she does, so Noreen makes a production out of spitefully drinking it while glaring at him. This may be the episode in which Noreen finally transforms into Lauren from Catherine Tate, except Noreen appears to be very much bovvered.

Over at the café, Berni is showing Bobbi-Lee the menu she’s cooked up (!) for the catering contract thing she’s trying to get with the local Association of Allied Bricklayers, Satellite Dish Installers, and Those Women Who Spray Perfume on You When You Walk Through a Department Store. Bobbi-Lee, ever the voice of the people, has of course forgotten all about this storyline, as had we all, and also makes it clear that this is very boring because it’s not about her or money that someone might give her. Berni suggests that perhaps Vince could come take photos of the food or whatever, and at this point probably even she isn’t sure anymore whether she’s innocently bringing him up because he’s the only one in town who owns a camera or because she’s trying to poke at Bobbi-Lee. Anyway, Bobbi-Lee takes the bait and starts ranting that Vince is a scoundrel and a bastard and that she totally hates him forever, which if you run through Bobbi-Lee à English on Google Translate actually means that if he walked in the door right now, she would make out with him, and then send video of it to Caitríona. This leads to a discussion of how she should make a revenge CD and get it revenge-played on every radio station in Ireland so she can make lots of revenge royalties and really rub it in his face. Also, revenge. Berni notes that Bobbi-Lee could be the one to finally put Ros na Rún on the map, though I would’ve thought it was already on the AA Ireland map as a place to avoid due to the high murder rate and also Tadhg.

Over at the pub, Frances is agreeing to look after Cuán for a few days so Katy and Jason can go away for the wedding and any shocking revelations and drunken fistfights that might hypothetically break out there. Tadhg thinks it’s a good idea for Cuán to spend more time with the Ó Direáins because Cuán said something the other day that does not make any sense in the English subtitles, but I believe he’s disapproving of Cuán picking up Katy’s Donegal accent, because even I know enough Irish to have figured out that the Dalys speak completely differently from everyone else. Tadhg points out that it’s bad enough that the next one will be Daly-spawn, but he doesn’t want Katy thinking she’s got ownership over Cuán, too. Jason is pooed because Katy is raising Cuán and they are a family and nothing is ever ever going to break them up, so he stomps off in a huff. If there’s a way to say “stomps off in a huff” in Irish with a hilarious Donegal accent, imagine that.

Dee's Hen Night: A Geena Kennedy Production Starring Geena Kennedy

Season 21, Episode 32

First aired 22 December 2016

It’s morning in Ros na Rún, and Vince is kissing Caitríona’s ass, figuratively and not literally, thankfully. As she emerges from the bedroom, he offers her breakfast on a tray, including a rose in a vase and his nuts on a platter, but she completely ignores him and breezes past him out the door. This is why you should be with Bobbi-Lee instead, Vince: she might throw the breakfast on the floor and then hit you over the head with the tray, but at least she wouldn’t ignore you.

Chez Daly, Katy suddenly looks much more pregnant than the last time we saw her, so I’m making my prediction now that she will have surprise octuplets, hopefully delivered by Mack in the back of his hackney. Proud papa John Joe is beaming over the fact that she’s made Dee’s favorite childhood bread as a surprise for the hen night, but the warm feelings immediately evaporate when Dee, Noreen, and famous wagon Geena Kennedy arrive, having clearly had a trying morning of searching the village for eggs benedict for Geena and failing. Perhaps the Red Cross can arrange an airlift. Geena makes a big production out of bravely soldiering on, and also sucking all the oxygen out of the room, until Dee realizes Katy is producing a series of novelty pink cowgirl hats and other festive crap for the hen night. She’s horrified until Katy announces she’s just joking, and Geena sneers as if Katy has just done a big poo on the floor. John Joe takes this opportunity to flee the scene, blanking a just-arrived Mack on his way out the door. Mack notes sadly that John Joe is still angry with him, but fortunately before we can recap that series of unfortunate events yet again, Geena takes center stage and makes everything about herself, insulting everyone along the way. Mack corrals them out the door as it seems he’s here to drive them to a spa day, or possibly to be spayed. Which of these he takes him to will depend on whether or not he knows what a spa is.

John Joe arrives at the community center for a meeting with Tadhg about renovating An Teaghlach. Apparently John Joe is a builder or something in addition to owning an organic petrol station or whatever. Tadhg makes a point of having this conversation loudly right in front of Celine Dion, and just to make sure he’s irritating her sufficiently, he interrupts her to borrow a pen. She tells him he’s wasting his time making an offer since she’s already bought the place, but of course Tadhg’s philosophy is that there’s no such thing as a waste of time as long as you’re annoying someone. 

Sleazy Come, Sleazy Go

Season 21, Episode 31

First aired 20 December 2016

We begin with David and Gráinne watching the cleanup operations at An Teaghlach, by which I mean some guy sweeping the pavement in front of An Teaghlach. She sadly notes that it is not at all iontach, unlike everything else she has ever seen, heard, or imagined, and instead its aura is shaped like a frowny face. David tells her Pól still claims to have been working with Tadhg and someone named Caroline, a.k.a., Muireann, a.k.a., “some bitch with a weird accent.” I, however, will continue to believe she is actually Celine Dion until I see proof to the contrary. Anyway, Gráinne reasons that Tadhg would never team up with Pól after that unfortunate incident where Pól and Áine pulled knives on each other, but David is only semi-listening, instead worrying that Pól will get a long sentence. Gráinne, ever the voice of, err, reason, thinks that a long sentence would be totally iontach, and, in fact, the longer, the iontach-er.

Down the street, Berni is giggling to Bobbi-Lee about how well things are going with Sleazy Tommy, who tried to get into her pants last night, but she kept them locked. She winks, however, that things could go differently tomorrow night, especially if she wears the easy-access tear-away vinyl stripper pants she bought at the Chippendales’ garage sale. Bobbi-Lee, whose paying-attention skills are questionable at the best of times, is completely not listening, and is instead looking longingly at Vince, who’s chatting with someone down the street. Berni tells her she’s got to get over him because he’s nothing but a rogue, and refuses to back down even after Bobbi-Lee presents into evidence that one time he kissed her sexily and Vincily. To get Bobbi-Lee’s mind off this bizarre love triangle, Berni suggests the two of them go out to dinner, presumably so she can brag some more about how yummy and not at all skeevy Tommy is. She and her lovely purple coat get into her car and drive away, which is Bobbi-Lee’s cue to get out her phone and call Vince, and then watch sadly as he looks at his phone, sees it’s her, and rejects the call. That rogue! Also, possibly, blackguard. I’m never sure where the line is between those two.

At Gaudi, a pretty young blonde sashays up to the bar and orders champagne, which of course they don’t have, because Gaudi is more of a Tesco-brand sparkling vinegar kind of establishment. Across the room, Jason and Mack, today playing the roles of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, wonder who this high-maintenance little madam is, especially once we learn that she speaks primarily in hashtags, which is shorthand these days for “terrible human being.” Just then John Joe enters the restaurant, slams on brakes when he spots #hashtag, and makes a U-turn for the door, and we find out that it is famous wagon Geena Kennedy, whom we’ve been hearing about for weeks! I’d really been hoping she’d be played by RuPaul, but I suppose that was too much to aspire to, especially after the show spent its entire celebrity budget for the year on that Francis Brennan guy. Geena greets John Joe brightly yet smugly, and he unenthusiastically returns the greeting through gritted teeth, and it seems this is one of those “Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night” moments.

An Teaghlach Roasting on an Open Fire

Season 21, Episode 30

First aired 15 December 2016

We open in the square or park or whatever it is—I really need an aerial photo of the set to figure out the geography—where a crowd has assembled to tut-tut over the fact that the town Christmas tree has been knocked over. Tadhg blames the kids at An Teaghlach, of course, but David insists he has no proof that it was them. It’s true, it could’ve been someone’s angry teenage cat, or possibly a surly adolescent tornado. Tadhg’s proof it was the teen tearaways is that the holidays are very hard on them, what with having no home or parents and also having to hear “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” repeatedly, because in fact some of them were happy not knowing it was Christmas. He wanders away, and then Rónán tells David that there has been a Pól sighting, so they rush off to tell the Gardaí. I’m sure O’Shea will be thrilled to see David and to hear more about this nonsense.

Vince arrives home with bagels for Caitríona, and they both act shifty and avoid eye contact for a while before he finally cracks first and apologizes for bringing up the whole Donncha thing. She says it was nothing, and they muse awkwardly on how we all do things we regret sometimes.

And speaking of things we regret sometimes, Bobbi-Lee is in the café telling Berni about spotting Caitríona and Colm kissing last night, and let’s all take a moment to appreciate the personal growth and restraint Bobbi-Lee has demonstrated by waiting until morning to start telling people rather than going door-to-door in the middle of the night distributing a newsletter. She gives Berni, and us, a bit more detail about the whereabouts of Colm’s tongue than we really needed to hear, and then says the line we’ve all been waiting for: “Wait till I tell Vince!” Berni tells her that she’ll keep her mouth shut and stay out of it if she has any sense, which of course she does not, and we can tell it’s only a matter of time before the hashtag #CaitrionaIsACheatingFloozy starts trending on Twitter. Well, once Bobbi-Lee gets Evan to create a Twitter account for her and start tweeting on her behalf.

Affair City

Season 21, Episode 29

First aired 13 December 2016

Hiya! Where have you been? I’ve missed you!

As you may or may not have noticed, there’s been a long gap since our last Ros na Recap, caused first by more eye surgery, then broken subtitles, then yet another eye surgery, and then a two-week trip to Dublin and London. But now I’m back, just in the nick of time, because things went MAD this week and we must discuss!

We begin at Vince and Caitríona’s love nest, which is becoming this season’s house of horrors. She enters the empty sitting room looking vaguely stricken, but then smiles to herself when she sees that Vince has left her a note on the counter along with her crazy tape recorder thing, which resembles no device I’ve ever seen before and appears to be from the Lieutenant Uhura Collection. The note instructs her to listen to herself, which shows that Vince is very cross indeed since no one should ever be forced to listen to Caitríona, ever, and her smile turns into diarrhea-face when she hits play and discovers it’s a recording of her and Colm being all flirtatious and double-entendre-y and sexalicious. Oops!

Mack wakes up and finds he’s slept fully-dressed in a hardback chair in what appears to be a doctor’s waiting room, but then we realize it’s the bachelor pad, or wherever Dee lives, or Burger King, or somewhere. He finds a card congratulating him and Dee on their upcoming nuptials, which is a good time for me to point out that in the several weeks since our last recap, this storyline has moved forward tremendously, in the sense that … err … umm…well, we’re pretty much exactly where we were before, except Katy has a bump now and Mack punched someone. Anyway, the card wishes Mack and Dee great fertility, and after a moment’s delay in which he tries to remember which of the sisters he’s knocked up, he looks dismayed.

No recaps for 11/1 or 11/3 episodes

Hi readers! Unfortunately there will be no recaps for the Nov 1 or Nov 3 episodes, because the English subtitles have been consistently not working on the TG4 iOS app, Chrome, or Safari. Because recapping the show is something I do in my spare time for fun, it can be tricky enough keeping up with the flow of new episodes, having a job, and having a life, but with the CC issue this week, I'm just not going to be able to catch up -- it's Sunday afternoon, so it's almost time for a new episode, and I haven't been able to even start on last week's yet.

Hopefully I'll be back with recaps for this coming week's new episodes! Thanks for reading!

Turn Your Head and Coffin

Season 21, Episode 16

First aired 27 October 2016

We open Chez Daly, where Noreen has just arrived for the first time this season, and she’s giving Katy far more detail than she ever wanted about the bus ride over. Katy keeps trying to tell her she’s pregnant, but Noreen keeps interrupting, and finally Katy blurts it out, and about two seconds later, Dee bursts in and announces that she was able to book the hotel for a Christmas wedding. Oh, Dee, “shock pregnancy” trumps “wedding venue” every time. Noreen is overcome by emotion and tries to hug and kiss Katy, but she’s too busy freaking out that Dee would dare schedule her wedding for Christmas, because Katy will be as big as a house. Well, your sister-whom-you-don’t-get-along-with’s pregnancy certainly seems like something you would want to completely base your wedding plans around. Of course, Noreen learned to ignore her daughters’ pointless and constant arguing decades ago, so she brightly proclaims that she’s got to go congratulate Jason, and Katy’s like, “Err, about that….”

Over at the pub, Bloody Peatsaí has assembled the cast and crew of the play to announce the great news that they will be performing the play at an arts festival in Westport! And I do not know what or where that is, but the group seems moderately excited. Peatsaí sorry-not-sorry apologizes that unfortunately Tadhg will not be able to join them for vague and specious insurance reasons, and stops himself only about half a step before announcing that therefore he and Frances can share a hotel room. Bloody Peatsaí tells the group they can continue rehearsing at his house just as Mo appears, so she lightly hassles him about this thing he calls “my house,” and then Tadhg calls her aside to ask when she’s going to be getting rid of “Peatsaí Ponytail.” Snerk. He continues that he’s known Bloody Peatsaí since they were young assholes in short pants, and that Mo better get rid of him ASAP, because keeping Peatsaí around always turns out badly in the end. Obviously he’s standing right there listening to all this, which I’m sure won’t come back to bite Tadhg in the butt repeatedly throughout this episode.

Katy has told her mother that she and Jason are on a wee break, and Noreen proclaims that he better get his act together and un-break because he has responsibilities now. John Joe arrives for pointless grandfather talk, and Noreen proclaims this is a miracle. Yes, an Im-Mack-ulate Conception.

Fake It Till You Bake It

Season 21, Episode 15

First aired 25 October 2016

We begin upstairs at the pub, where Tadhg has spent the day uninstalling the booby traps set by Áine, who is trying to Home Alone Pól, Andy, and any other “bold men” who might invade. He facetiously instructs her that you’ve really got to hide the rope better if you’re going to trip and/or garrote someone in a doorway, and she amusingly complains that she would if she were provided with better rope. You can’t argue with that. He asks her if she wants Mommy and Daddy to get hurt in one of her traps, and she’s basically like, “What’s the Irish word for ‘collateral damage?’” He then asks if there are any other traps around the house, and just as she says “Níl,” we hear a series of crashes and a yelp and Frances screaming “Áine!” off in the distance. Hee.

At the café, Mack is on the phone with someone about buying a minibus in a color I might generously call “space-vomit green” when David shows up, and they have a discussion about how David’s ring, which is on the table for some inexplicable reason, seems to have brought Mack more luck than it ever did David. Off in London somewhere, Gráinne is feeling an odd cosmic shiver emanating from her close-call escape from Hurricane David. He muses on how expensive weddings are, but Mack assures him that theirs will just be a meal in a hotel with family and a few friends and nothing more. David is skeptical, because women be crazy and so on, but Mack assures him that Dee is extremely sensible and does not at all be crazy. Cut to the newsagents, where we see the first issue of Dee’s Wedding, a new weekly 400-page glossy magazine that costs €25.

Ponytail of New York

Season 21, Episode 14

First aired 20 October 2016

We begin with Katy struggling to get up off her bedroom floor, and see that the head injury she sustained when she slowly and gingerly fell onto the plush rug has been enhanced with a bullet wound, apparently, because there is a lot more blood than one might expect. Ahem. Eventually she manages to stagger across the room to her phone despite being bent double by the shooting baby-itis pains, and she calls someone. Pizza delivery?

Pól awakens after a night of sleeping rough in a shed somewhere, and digs through his rucksack for a morsel of food, which he devours hungrily. He really has transformed into Oliver Twist, but with a mobile phone. He calls someone and rudely orders a breakfast delivery, and his charm and attitude really make you want to help him. No, wait, I mean “smack him.”

In the street, Dee is admiring how sparkly her new ring is, and Mack pretends to be interested while actually calculating how many Japanese tourists he’ll need to cart around to earn the €3500 it cost. You’ll recall this is the same Mack who last season had to get Mo to pay for his hernia surgery or lobotomy or whatever it was. Ahh, love. Dee can guess that Mack didn’t discuss their engagement with John Joe when they went out last night, given that Mack still reeks of alcohol and desperation. He asks if she really thinks her dad will be upset when he finds out, and Dee is basically like, “Well, he’s a complete dick, as you know, so probably.” Mack suggests that Dee tell him instead, given that John Joe will be at least 20% less likely to murder her, but she insists it has to be him, because she’s old-fashioned that way. Her phone rings a fraction of a second behind schedule, resulting in a moment of “standing around waiting for the phone to ring” acting, and it’s Katy, who rudely doesn’t want to listen to Dee carrying on about her ring, and instead is all “I’m lying on the floor bleeding out, waaah” in typical “me, me, me” Katy fashion.

Mo Dogs Allowed

Season 21, Episode 13

First aired 18 October 2016

We open with Dee flitting around the bachelor pad admiring her new engagement ring. Mack, of course, is trying to talk her into swapping it for a different one, i.e., one that doesn’t belong to someone else, but she’s in love with this one and will not be dissuaded. She might change her tune when she finds out that she may technically be engaged to David. Speaking of Father Karate, he arrives, asking for the whereabouts of his ring, and meanwhile Dee is trying to show him said ring, and despite Mack’s best efforts to change the subject, talking about scones and coffee and James Joyce and so on, Dee steamrolls over him and shows David the ring. David yells that it’s his, and glares at Mack, which causes Dee to glare at Mack, and Mack understandably gets a sudden case of imminent-diarrhea-face.

Katy is sitting in her bedroom reading her So You Got Knocked Up pregnancy book, which has become a supporting character on the show lately, when Pádraig bursts in in a complete tizzy and insists she needs to stop being pregnant for a minute and run over to Gaudi. She weakly protests that it’s her day off, but he and his crazy eyes and aggressive beard won’t take no for an answer. I hope it’s that he’s holding that possibly-fictitious Frances Brennan guy from last season captive in the cellar until he agrees to put Gaudi on his TV show.

Otherwise Engaged

Season 21, Episode 12

First aired 13 October 2016

We open with more of David vs Pól with Rónán in the middle, which: ugh. We are outside the button factory or wherever Micheál works, where Pól is lounging on a bag of fertilizer while Rónán is lugging things around as part of some type of work-like arrangement. I don’t even know. David angrily tells Pól to scram and leave Rónán alone, but Pól is of course defiant and smirky, and you just want to smack him. He tells David that he and Rónán have been thinking about how the Gardaí knew where to find them and have concluded that David must’ve grassed them up, but given that Rónán has an expression on his face that suggests if you could see inside his head there’d be a cartoon pig dancing and playing an accordion, I suspect Pól is doing most of the thinking. David denies these allegations, and now Rónán is being defiant and awful, too, and even David seems tired of this storyline.

At the pub, Frances and Peatsai are discussing the play, about which she is excited and optimistic, and he is creepy and lecherous. He puts on a show for Tadhg of complimenting and cozying up to Frances and saying things to her that are semi-gross, and then smirks at him, and you can tell by the expression on Tadhg’s face that he is clearly imagining various ways to liquefy Peatsai.

The Kids Aren't Alright, or, Teenage Pricks

Season 21, Episode 11

First aired 11 October 2016

We begin this somewhat slow episode at the B&B, where Laoise is sadly polishing Peadar’s watch. Berni arrives and they marvel that it still keeps perfect time an entire month after his death. I guess Peadar had a reputation for buying tat that we didn’t know about. Laoise is obviously very attached to it as a memento of her late father, so Berni naturally snatches it out of her hands and says she’s been meaning to give it to Evan. Well, at least she’s clueless and self-absorbed about it rather than malicious, but this does not bring Laoise comfort for some reason. Cousin Sally or whoever she is arrives so she and Berni can work together to exclude Laoise more efficiently, and they disappear upstairs to go comfort Máire, leaving poor Laoise there with lots of quiet solitude to reflect on what an outcast she is.

Tadhg interrupts Mo and David’s lunch at Gaudi to ask him every li’l thing about Andy’s attack, including how he found David and whether he seemed to be, you know, dead. David is evasive and Mo tells Tadhg to buzz off, which he eventually does, after David admits he didn’t see Andy’s face but magically knew it was him, which causes Mo to raise an eyebrow or two. Micheál drops by to tell David that Pól, the exhausting hooligan we’ve been trying to ignore for the past few weeks, can work a few hours at the dry cleaners or whatever kind of business Micheál owns, and Mo thinks this is a terrible idea, what with everyone in the village wanting to push Pól off a series of cliffs or possibly in front of a caravan of buses.

Chez Odd Couple, Bobbi-Lee is meditating while sitting cross-legged on the coffee table, as one does, but eventually her mantra-chanting and chakra-bleaching are interrupted by a high-pitched, annoying sound, which turns out to be Berni’s voice. Berni scolds her for leaving the door open and also existing, and Bobbi-Lee complains that Berni interrupted her visualization exercises, which presumably involve her visualizing Berni bursting into flames. They argue for a bit, and Berni rolls her eyes so far up in her head she can see her brain as Bobbi-Lee shoots daggers at her. I’m glad things are back to normal with them after last week, because when they’re being nice to each other I feel very unnerved, as if an asteroid is about to crash into the earth or something.

That Time Áine Kidnapped Herself

Season 21, Episode 10

First aired 6 October 2016

We open at the community center where Berni is helpfully telling Frances that Áine might have gone down to the river because Berni took her down there after Lee died. This of course makes Frances feel much better because every worried mother wants to imagine that her small missing child has wandered down to the river alone. Why not just tell her about the time you took Áine to play at the cobra farm, Berni? Anyway, Berni has somehow become the coordinator of the search effort, as signified by the fact that she is holding a clipboard, and even Peatsai is taking things very seriously, which you can tell because he is wearing a somber khaki Members Only jacket over his Hawaiian shirt. (I’m finally going to start referring to him as “Peatsai” rather than “Uncle Pest” because he’s hung around a lot longer than I expected him to.) Berni dispatches the menfolk to various locales to look for Áine, including telling Evan to “search the village,” which is very specific and helpful indeed. Before they disperse, which in this case means “go to the café en masse for free food,” David congratulates her on the good job she’s doing as coordinator, and she looks bravely into the middle distance and says it’s the least she can do, what with her brother being the one who probably killed Áine and all.

Mack is holding down the fort in the café, and I can’t tell whether the shirt he’s wearing is some kind of work uniform or normal street clothes, but he looks quite fetching in it either way. Rrawr! Pádraig shows up and asks Mack what’s up with the salon, because the doors are locked and all the employees (?) are standing around in the street waiting for Caitríona to show up. Mack is very helpful, of course, in that he’s like, “We have a salon here?” and also, “What’s a salon?”

Night Of The Living Andy

Season 21, Episode 9

First aired 4 October 2016

We open in the kitchen at Ros na Rún’s swingingest bachelor pad, where Pádraig and Mo are playing doctor with David, but not like that, you pervs. Mo presses him on what happened, but he refuses to admit that he fought the Pól and the Pól won and instead storms out. Pádraig and Mo can’t imagine who would do such a thing to a delightful imp like David, because they can’t even recall him ever falling out with anyone … except with one person! Recently! Which you may have forgotten about!

At the pub, Dee is sweetly pointing out to Katy that she’s got much better things to do than sit around listening to her whine about her stupid problems, but assures her that she won’t spill the beans about this shock pregnancy tempest-in-a-teapot nonsense Katy won’t let go of. Katy splits when Mack arrives, and Dee reminds him that he’s supposed to pick her up at the gym or somewhere later today. It’s a logistically dense sub-sub-sub-plot without much payoff, so I’m going to skip over it as we cut to the bar, where Tadhg is half-heartedly attempting to throw Caitríona out for taking up valuable barstool space and basically being annoying. She snots that he’s just in a mood because Bobbi-Lee told her about Andy, and he of course tells her to ignore Bobbi-Lee because she’s a stupid lying floozy and so on. There must be at least five people in the human resources department at the pub working ‘round the clock on employee grievances. Anyway, he tells her to sling her hook and get back to painting nails where she belongs. If there’s anyone I enjoy watching Tadhg hurl abuse at, it’s Caitríona, but for no apparent reason she gets insulted and stomps out in a huff. Wimmen, amiright?!? Frances, whose concerned face really gets a workout in this episode, worries that Caitríona’s not going to give up till she finds out the truth, but Tadhg doesn’t care because Caitríona is just a harmless pest.

The Daly Show

Season 21, Episode 8

First aired 29 September 2016

We open with Mack and Dee in the street being all giggly and in love, which is of course TV shorthand for “it’s all about to hit the fan for them.” They spot John Joe and Katy moving her stuff out of Jason’s, and while Mack hopefully suggests that she’s doing some autumnal spring cleaning, or possibly taking her old stuff on Antiques Roadshow I guess, Dee knows it means Katy and Jason have broken up “again!”, as she editorializes. Well, she’s not wrong. She tells Mack that she should go check on Katy and find out what’s going on, since the two of them are so close and supportive and all, but Mack quickly says that, no, he should go talk to her, and Dee reminds us that it was Mack’s door Katy knocked on the last time she and Jason broke up. Well, I’d say it was more that he knocked on her door, really, if I remember how straight-people sex works.

At Gaudi, David is on the phone desperately trying to get in touch with teen tearaway Pól’s brother when last year’s teen tearaway Rónán bursts in all out of breath and teen traumatized because Pól has just trashed An Teaghlach. David furrows his brow and then assures Rónán he’ll take care of it, which Rónán does not believe at all because he has actually met David. You can’t karate away all your problems, Father!

You Just Haven't Earned It Yet, Katy

Season 21, Episode 7

First aired 27 September 2016

Dia duit! We’re back, after a long summer of waiting with baited breath to find out if Bobbi-Lee survived Andy’s attack (she did!) and if Andy survived Frances’ impromptu ride on the Dodgems (it seems he did not). Unfortunately I was sidetracked from the recapping business by a detached retina on the day of the season 21 premiere and was banned by the doctor from using a computer until just now, so sadly the first six episodes of this season will be lost to the mists of unrecapped time. I’m sure Dr. Tiarnán would’ve found a way to get me up and running again sooner, which is only about 80% a euphemism.

So! We have a new title sequence this year! My favorite bit, Bobbi-Lee holding up the baby cowboy outfit, is gone, but we do have new scenes of sulky Katy punching a sofa cushion and Uncle Pest in a Hawaiian shirt, which you have to admit are pretty representative of them.

We open at Katy and Jason’s, where he’s late for a meeting and turning the place upside-down looking for his laptop, but it does not seem to be in any of the likely places in which he’s looking, such as under a teacup or inside the sugar dish. Katy, of course, is not interested in this, this time because she’s busy sniffing the milk and proclaiming it’s gone off. Jason argues that it was fine this morning when he had some in his tea, so there must be something wrong with her nose. I am familiar with how this discussion goes, because whenever I throw out the milk because it’s gone gelatinous and radioactive, my husband insists it was fine when he had it in his coffee earlier. He had to scoop it out of the carton with a spoon, but still. Anyway, Jason tells her he thinks she’s still sick, and his expert medical opinion is that it’s not food poisoning as she claims, but side effects from the fertility treatments. God willing, he muses, she won’t have to endure those much longer. Well, Mack willing, anyway. Fortunately for Katy, and the world of big-business computing, Jason finds his laptop, which amazingly was in his laptop case, and then zooms off, leaving Katy sitting there all impregnated and whatnot.

Into the Woods (Season Finale)

Season 20, Episode 83

First aired 9 June 2016

It’s the season finale of Ros na Rún and AIIIEEEE it’s insane, so let’s get right to it. We open with Bobbi-Lee storming into the Holiday House of Horrors and laying into Andy for disappearing yesterday and scaring her and Berni half to death. So by my calculations, if he scares Berni like that one more time, the village will be a much more pleasant place. His defense is that he went for a walk because he needed some air, plus somebody needed to bury Suzanne’s body in the garden and Mo’s stellar work crew of Mack, John Joe, and David wasn’t available. Bobbi-Lee is suspicious that he needed to go get some air at Suzanne’s house, what with it being a super-sexy love nest and all, but he assures her that Suzanne is “gone” (snerk), so Bobbi-Lee and her leopard print look pleased with themselves. Before they can do a victory lap, however, Andy reminds her that they still need a huge amount of money to go to Las Vegas for his “treatment” (i.e., playing keno and strangling hookers), so Bobbi-Lee tells him she has an idea. Well, that’s never a good sign.

Back in the CSI: Caitríona storyline we barely care about, she’s complaining to Niamh that Berni has ruined everything by letting Andy loose in the village to scare Colm away. The only time I agree with Caitríona is when she’s bitching about Berni. Niamh, who looks completely bored by all this, says she should just call Colm and explain what happened, but Caitríona explains that she’s tried, but he’s not answering his phone. (People in prison have their own phones?) Niamh, who is suddenly a super-detective, assures her that there’s more than one way to skin a cat, and the two of them set off for the old mill in the Mystery Machine, where they will discover that Colm is actually a film projector showing an image of a ghost, and he would’ve gotten away with it if not for these meddling kids. Caitríona will be devastated when she discovers that she’s frumpy Velma in this scenario, not glamorous Daphne.

Garbage Vodka, A Sexy Worm Attack, and Oh Yeah, A Murder

Season 20, Episode 82

First aired 7 June 2016

We’re back! As you may or may not have noticed, Ros na Recaps has been on a little break for the past 3 weeks while I was away at advanced recapping academy, i.e., on vacation in the South Pacific. Originally I had great plans to catch up on the 4 episodes I missed when I got back, but that was overly ambitious, and then I missed 2 more, so I’ll recap the highlights of those 6 episodes here:

• Andy and Bobbi-Lee are doing it, ewwww.
• Máire swooned and threatened to faint a lot.
• Fia moved out and got her own place, which we assume she is paying for using the money she earns … uhh … hmm … well, Fia unceremoniously went away, and that’s the important thing.
• Mo punched Andy in the face and again in the stomach, and it was glorious, and I called her MOhammad Ali on Twitter, and then he died two days later, so we will consider it a preemptive tribute.
• Long-lost Uncle Peatsai, whose name is hard to type and therefore I am going to call Uncle Pest, returned from across the pond to stake his claim to Mo’s new house, so now they are Odd Couple-ing it up. Also, he came back from America with a wardrobe consisting entirely of Hawaiian shirts, because that is what we all wear here all the time.
• Andy decided John Joe was getting too cozy with Bobbi-Lee and jumped him from behind at the petrol station or hardware store or chip van or wherever John Joe works.
• Best of all, Gráinne’s boyfriend showed up, and he was, hilariously, David Mk 2. It was like she was shopping at Amazon.com and put David in her basket, and it pointed out that other shoppers who bought David also bought Other David, so she should, too. Eventually she broke up with Other David and he went back where he came from, but on the plus side, she kept the streak going of women on this show who move to faraway places and then manage to hook up with the only Irish-speaking man there (Australia, London, Venus, etc).

OK, now for today’s episode, which is a corker! We open with Bobbi-Lee and Andy discussing ways they can get the money to pay for the miraculous cure for African Hydraulic Fever he heard about, which is only available in Las Vegas, which as we all know is a hotbed of cutting-edge medical research. Also, you can smoke while being operated on and your loved ones can play blackjack in the waiting room. As you may recall, Bobbi-Lee is intrigued by this scam scheme, which of course she hasn’t asked any questions about or investigated at all, because she stupidly wants Andy to get better and also figures Vegas has always been her destiny anyway. It really is a good match for her, given that Nevada’s state flag is cheetah print with rhinestones. Anyway, she suggests they ask Berni for the money, but he mock protests that he’s caused Berni enough problems over the years already, and anyway, she hasn’t received Cathal’s inheritance yet, so it’s a bit premature to decide how they’re going to murder her right now. I mean, ask her for money. After Bobbi-Lee leaves to go to stare into space and insult the customers at one of her jobs, Andy gets a phone call, and tells the person on the other end that he can’t talk right now, but that he’ll go murder meet him/her later this afternoon.

Ros na Rún recaps on holiday!

Dia duit! I'm on vacation in Hawaii and French Polynesia (!!) for 2 weeks. The Internet here isn't fast enough for streaming video, so I can't watch RnaR, and even if I could, I doubt I'd then recap it anyway! I'll get caught up when I return June 1. Just wanted to let you all know that the recaps will be back soon! GRMA and slán, or as they say in Tahitian, māuruuru roa and nana!

David v Everyone

Season 20, Episode 75

First aired 12 May 2016

This episode’s conflict is set up immediately, as David sees Berni helping Andy down the street and into a car. I sense a karate-ing in Andy’s future, because David does not look happy. His angry face looks a lot like his confused face, except his eyebrows are at a slightly more severe angle.

Frances runs into Pádraig in the shop and schedules another driving lesson with him, and then mentions that she’s surprised he’s not in the restaurant given that Francis Brennan is over there. Really, Frances? You start out talking about driving lessons and then bring up the TV star? I think that’s what’s called “burying the lead.”

And now: Francis Brennan! Whom I had never heard of, and assumed was someone the show had made up! But then I did some Googling and discovered that he is, in fact, only semi-fictitious, and that having him in one’s restaurant would be a cause for some excitement, because it turns out that “Francis Brennan” is Irish for “Gordon Ramsay.” Except with less screaming and punching, I would guess. Anyway, he’s at Gaudi, using his limited Irish to read the menu, when Bobbi-Lee, whose fame radar (fadar?) has been going off al morning, affixes herself to his arm, at least until Pádraig arrives and literally shoves her out of the way. Jason appears, too, and they’re all speaking English, and it’s complete cognitive dissonance for me, because while I of course intellectually know they all speak English, it still feels completely magical, and like a big secret has been revealed. It’s as if Peadar suddenly entered a scene on roller skates juggling flaming knives. I am completely aware this is my own ridiculousness, by the way, so please don’t send angry emails in Irish, because unless they are about colors and types of shops, I won’t understand them anyway.

Suspicious Minds

Season 20, Episode 74

First aired 10 May 2016

We open today’s saga of betrayal, lies, and Gráinne out in the street, where Bobbi-Lee is enjoying a lovely Berni-free morning until you-know-who shows up and spoils it. It seems Bobbi-Lee is now working in the café to pay off that li’l ol’ €3000 credit card misunderstanding, and she’s now 20 minutes late, which by Bobbi-Lee’s standards constitutes being early, so I’m not sure what Berni is so bent out of shape about. Bobbi-Lee has been trying to reach Andy by phone for the past 4 days, and is worried that he’s fallen somewhere, such as down a well or under a bus, but loving sister Berni doubts it, orders her to go clean the toilets, and then looks extremely pleased with herself. I am pretty sure “Berni” is Irish for “Mother Teresa.”

At home, Mo stumbles over a suitcase, and is probably terrified that Katy has moved back in, but then Mack appears with Gráinne in tow! And I love Gráinne, although it’s a good thing the episode description on tg4.ie spoiled her return or else I might not have recognized her, at least not until she started talking.

Back in the elite and exciting world of children’s football, Tadhg reports to Frances and Pádraig that Áine’s team keeps losing, and it’s clear that Three-Toed McGillicuddy or whatever his name is isn’t working out as the coach. They’d better find a solution fast, because when Áine and Réailtín get angry, they get stabby, or at least shoplifty. Frances decides she and Pádraig should take Áine with them on today’s driving lesson, and I’m not a parent, but if I were, I’m sure I would think it was a great idea to let my small child ride around in a car with an unlicensed motorist who’s failed his driving test six times.

The One Where Everybody Was On A Break

Season 20, Episode 73

First aired 5 May 2016

It’s the morning after the night before, and a disheveled Katy is hiding from Mo, which consists of semi-crouching in the middle of the room and hoping for the best. It works, and as Mo wanders away, Katy grabs her shoes and giant fur-lined anorak and dashes out the door.

Bobbi-Lee is kissing up to Berni with croissants and tea and naked Hugh Jackman on a platter, thanks her for not throwing her out, and promises to pay back every cent of the money she stole, but Berni interrupts her to bitch and moan and criticize, and it’s going to be a long day for Bobbi-Lee. Berni spits that she saw Bobbi-Lee in the street with Andy, and therefore Bobbi-Lee is no longer welcome in her house. Scram, blondie!

Mack and his hangover are staggering around the house when Mo bursts in, shouting for headache-inducing effect, and assumes Mack was up all night drinking with Dee. He doesn’t correct her, but during his archaeological dig of the living room he finds his mobile and sees that he has a missed call from Jason. Maybe he’s calling to ask if Mack will do him a big favor and fertilize Katy’s eggs for him.

Bern, Baby, Bern

Season 20, Episode 72

First aired 3 May 2016

We open at Gaudi where Berni is haughtily treating a waitress like crap because the machine keeps rejecting her card. Oh, things are finally going to go down with this storyline! Katy and Pádraig enter the dining room squabbling, because that’s what they do now. She’s insistent that Jason doesn’t want to marry her, but Pádraig, in full meddling mode, explains that Jason is clearly going to propose at any second because he’s been acting strange lately, and also talked to a priest, Q.E.D. It's airtight logic if I've ever heard it.

In the shop, Jason is wearing a knit cap pulled down past his chin, like Dumb Donald from Fat Albert, and the small part of his jaw we can see looks brooding. John Joe notices he’s carrying an enormous bouquet of flowers, because nothing gets past him, and assumes they must be a gift for Katy, so he uses this opportunity to harass a passing Mack about how he should learn to give Dee nice gifts. Well, Mack is about to give something to one of the Daly sisters, that’s for sure. He complains that he’d treat Dee nicely if he ever saw her, but that she’s so busy with her new case these days that she doesn’t have time for him. We pan over to Máire, who is tut-tutting over a newspaper, and is, as usual, stricken and aggrieved by the world, with its drugs and Kardashians and written communication. Of course, Máire tut-tuts over Garfield and the crossword puzzle, too, so this in itself is nothing new. She starts following Mack around the store trying to suck him into her vortex of misery, but he’s busy doing the thing I absolutely love in scenes at the shop, which is walking along an aisle randomly taking things off the top shelf and putting them in his basket. “Hey, isn’t it convenient that avocados, paper plates, Havarti cheese, tampons, and Smash Hits magazine are side by side on this top shelf, because those are exactly the things I came to the shop for!” She finally thrusts the paper in his face to show him the horror of some local violent crime, and because the avocado/plates/cheese/tampons/Smash Hits aisle is also the light bulb aisle, one lights up over his head and he realizes this is Dee’s new case.

Crouching Bobbi-Lee, Hidden Andy

Season 20, Episode 71

First aired 28 April 2016

Bobbi-Lee, who is Cuán’s mobile daycare center these days, is pushing him in his stroller when she gets a phone call from Andy. She hesitates, and then just as she’s about to answer, Berni appears, so she throws her phone down the sewer and yells that she doesn’t know what a phone is, and even if she did, she sure wouldn’t use it to talk to Andy. Berni is in a lovely sunny mood, which means she must’ve drawn the Happy Lemon card in her tarot reading this morning, so Bobbi-Lee decides now is her best chance to tell her about Andy without being murdered. Berni, upon hearing that Andy has been released from prison, shoots fire out her nostrils and destroys a passing bus with her laser eye beams, so Bobbi-Lee wisely decides not to volunteer the fact that she’s actually seen him. She tells Berni that Suzanne swears Andy is a changed man, which makes Berni scoff, and then adds that he’s apparently dying, which makes Berni grab Fay Wray and climb the Empire State Building. Berni says Andy’s deathbed redemption is a blatant lie and a scam, and warns Bobbi-Lee that she better not believe him “unless she wants a few more black eyes.” Charming. Berni then exits, presumably to go work the domestic abuse helpline, and leaves Bobbi-Lee standing there asking herself again why she ever speaks to her.

Over at the World’s Saddest Holiday Home, meanwhile, Andy is looking through a bag of kids’ clothing that he’s evidently bought for his impending meeting with Cuán, or possibly going through a bag of Lee’s old baby things, or maybe he’s just robbed Mothercare. He looks pleased with himself, anyway.

It's My Party, and I'll Tadhg If I Want To

Season 20, Episode 70

First aired 26 April 2016

The preparations for Áine’s party are in full swing, and Tadhg is busily deciding where the bacon and cabbage will be placed, since those are the favorite party foods of every child. Instead of cake, there will be whole onions dipped in gin. Áine is setting place cards and gives Réailtín the spot of honor, causing Frances to worry whether Micheál will let her come or not. Tadhg says there will be so many kids Áine won’t even notice whether or not Réailtín is there, and we can tell Tadhg has never had a friend, because THAT IS NOT HOW BEST FRIENDS WORK.

Sulky Suzanne shows up at the pub in a slow-motion zombie fugue, which actually makes her more bearable than usual. She’s here to ask Bobbi-Lee for a favor, which is understandable, because she and Andy have built up so much good karma with her lately that Bobbi-Lee really owes them one. Do you listen to the nonsense you say, Suzanne?

Tadhg has stopped by Micheál’s work to try to make peace, or what passes for peace in Tadhg’s world, for the children’s sakes. He tells Micheál that Áine’s having a party today and they’d hate for Réailtín to be excluded, and Micheál says knowingly that he’s sure she won’t be, which is our first clue that Áine’s A-list gala is not going to make the cover of Hello! magazine.

Absolutely Crabulous

Season 20, Episode 69

First aired 21 April 2016

We open this episode in which everyone is in a foul mood with Áine, the world’s greatest football player artist, who is cheating death by scribbling all over her brand-new sunny pink backpack with a permanent marker. Careful, Áine—if Annette discovers this is a thing, she’ll make herself captain of it. Tadhg catches her in the act and complains that now her stupid mother will have to go buy her another stupid bag because Áine is stupid, and we are reminded that Tadhg can be awfully amusing when he’s not committing one or more felonies. Áine agrees that her backpack is stupid, and says she scribbled on it because she doesn’t like it anymore, so Tadhg hits her with a “Wait till your mother gets home,” and we remember that Áine has two terrifying parents, so it’s no wonder she’s taken to punching her way through life.

Over at the shop, David is buying party balloons in this show’s favorite color, Hideous Puce, when Bobbi-Lee elbows him out of the way to buy some aspirin. Another morning, another hangover. He reminds her that she better get over it ASAP, because she promised she’d help him decorate Gaudi for his birthday party tonight. Fortunately for David, decorating for your own birthday party is not sad AT ALL. Bobbi-Lee has, of course, forgotten all about it because it’s not about her, which is one of the many things we love about her. She’s noncommittal about the whole affair until he makes sad puppy eyes, and finally she promises she’ll come just so he’ll stop making that face.

Desperately Seeking Cuán's Hat

Season 20, Episode 68

First aired 19 April 2016

We open in Mack and Mo’s sitting room, which has become perma-lodger Katy’s new bedroom. Normally mild-mannered Mo has had it up to here with Katy, so she’s doing some unnecessary morning blender-ing. Mack charges in and tells her to knock it off or else she’ll wake Katy, but of course waking Katy is the point, so Mo revs the blender some more and complains that Katy’s been there for five days, and should be awake at 10 o’clock. Katy, of course, sleeps through all this, because all her recent tiresome nonsense with Jason has been positively exhausting. One wonders why Katy’s there in the first place until Mack points out that letting Katy use their place as her own personal doss house is earning him tons of brownie points with Dee. Mo gives approximately zero shits about this, so Mack volunteers that he’ll talk to Katy, but not today. He then adds, “Or I could stay home and not bother with the deeds if you like,” which has nothing to do with anything and makes me wonder if Mack knows what the word “or” means.

In the café, Bobbi-Lee brightly says hello to a passing David, but he gives her an icy cold shoulder. Berni and Evan are looking at brochures for lodgings at university or clown school or wherever Evan is apparently going sometime soon. He leaves, and Berni muses that she worries about him, and Bobbi-Lee says she felt the same way about Lee. Berni helpfully purses her lips and bugs out her eyes in “Fool, I don’t think so” fashion, which leads to an argument between the two of them about Bobbi-Lee’s parenting skills. It seems Bobbi-Lee would give herself about a 7 as a mother, which Berni would agree with, if the scale were from 1 to 100. Bobbi-Lee, of course, is already sensitive about this subject since Andy was calling her a bad mother through the haze of his African Hydraulic Fever just last episode.

Two Dummies Walk into a Bar...

Season 20, Episode 67

First aired 14 April 2016

Our episode begins with the same creepy minor-key piano banging last episode ended with, and the first minute feels a bit like we’ve wandered into an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Suzanne, who is with Andy at their holiday home, keeps trying to call Bobbi-Lee, who refuses to answer the phone because she’s busy looking out the window trying to figure out where that music is coming from. A tricksy radio-DJ cut leads us over to Jason’s house, where he’s snooping through Katy’s purse (?) and finds a letter from the fertility clinic telling her she has an appointment today at noon. Is that how people in Ireland are informed about their medical appointments? They get a letter? Anyway, Katy appears about this time asking him if he wants her to pick up Cuán from school, so he crams the letter back into her purse and acts innocent, and then like a cranky baby, so she leaves, clearly wondering what bug flew up his butt.

At the café, Micheál is blathering on to Berni and Evan about Tadhg and Annette and the ongoing football saga. Because children’s sports are not interesting even if it’s your own children playing, Berni is yawning and rolling her eyes and Evan is semi-comatose. Micheál eventually notices she’s not paying attention and calls her on it, and she’s like, “Yes, yes, it’s terrible that Réailtín fell in a volcano or whatever. Well, slán!” He leaves in a huff, and Berni sadly tells Evan she thought Micheál would’ve remembered that today is the one-year anniversary of Cathal’s death. They exchange greeting-card platitudes, which David overhears, and he puts on his scheme-concocting face and then brightly tells them he’s been looking for them.

Suzanne has shown up at Bobbi-Lee’s, so Bobbi-Lee immediately lays into her, but she stands her ground and says she’s not leaving till she’s said her piece. Throw a drink in her face, Bobbi-Lee!

Never Go with a Hippie to a Second Location

Season 20, Episode 66

First aired 12 April 2016

We open at the pub, where Frances makes Tadhg even more apoplectic than usual by breaking the news to him that Terrible Annette has just been named manager of the kids’ football team. He makes vague threats against Annette of the sort he always makes, all hell this and hag that, and Frances asks, as she is required to do as his personal social worker, if he can just drop it. Tadhg claims that he will, which none of us believe, but he says that he’s going to the game to support his daughter whether Frances likes it or not, and if Annette somehow gets put in a headlock or pushed off a cliff, it will be pure coincidence.

Now we begin the 1990s computer hijinks portion of our show, which involves John Joe spilling tea all over Noreen’s laptop, on which is stored the ONLY COPY of her term paper. There is also a “tea + laptop = schoolwork catastrophe” story going on over on Pobol y Cym this week, for those of you who are keeping score. Anyway, Noreen is somewhere else and needs John Joe to email her the ONLY COPY of her paper, which means there is going to be a lot of scrambling. Mack drops by about this time, but unsurprisingly he is no help when it comes to repairing the picture typewriter, leaving poor John Joe with no choice but to envision his imminent death at Noreen’s hands.

Offend It Like Beckham

Season 20, Episode 65

First aired 7 April 2016

We open in Coach Tadhg’s kitchen, where he’s kicking a football around and looking for Deep Heat, because it’ll come in handy if any of the kids get hurt. Right, the miraculous cut-healing and bone-knitting powers of Deep Heat For Kids. Frances asks him if he’s going a bit OTT, but Tadhg tells her he doesn’t have time to discuss this right now because he’s busy going OTT. He explains that he’s on his way to pick Áine up from school and run some drills with her, because as you may recall, she stinks. Frances informs him that he’s not allowed to go take Áine out of school two hours early. Well, we established last week that she’s not learning anything at that school, so why not? She reminds Tadhg that this is just supposed to be a bit of fun, but Tadhg, like Berni, doesn’t know the meaning of the word.

At the B&B, Vanessa is saying her sad goodbyes, although nobody seems particularly sad about it. I imagine there’s been a lot of encouraging her to leave extra early in case there are queues at the airport, or they run out of those giant Toblerones at duty free. As she hugs Fia goodbye, Vanessa promises she won’t say a word to Ganja about the baby when she gets back to Oz, and we see cascading face-making from Fia, then Evan, and then Peadar.

At Gaudi, Pádraig is protesting because Jason has asked him to look after Cuán while he’s out running errands. Awful Suzanne is in the foreground being awful, because as we established last episode, she’s annexed Gaudi as her office, and her interest seems overly piqued by this discussion of Cuán. Pádraig disappears into the kitchen, and when he comes back, he catches Suzanne creepily taking photos of Cuán in his stroller. He asks her what she’s doing, and then she becomes overly nonchalant and explanatory in the way guilty people do, and explains that she’s, uhh, waiting for a bus to, erm, the hospital where she does charity work with, errr, orphan nuns. She explains that she’s an old friend of Bobbi-Lee’s and that she’s heard so much about her grandson that she just had to see him for herself, but Pádraig knows shenanigans when he sees them and glares at her.

Keep Your Hands Off My Katy

Season 20, Episode 64

First aired 5 April 2016

We open at Gaudi, where John Joe has come to complain to Noreen about how inappropriate Jason is for Katy. Hopefully you find this topic interesting, because we’re in for a lot of it. He says Jason is an old man who’s saddled with a child, which is the last thing Katy needs, but Noreen thinks he’s a nice guy with a job and a house and that they should count their blessings and butt out. Yeah, she could hook up with Fia’s boyfriend Danny, a.k.a. Ganja, who has neck tattoos and a chainsaw bolted to his forehead and probably hepatitis A through E. Or Fia’s other boyfriend Niall, a.k.a. Fia’s mother’s boyfriend.

And on that front, over at the B&B, Máire is leading a baking class, and Fia’s face may or may not be covered in flour. It’s hard to tell. Vanessa appears and announces she’s postponed her flight back to Australia by a couple more days to give Fia time to change her mind, but Fia wants to stay in Ros na Rún because Máire and Peadar are happy to have her, RIGHT, MÁIRE AND PEADAR? Since they’re standing right there, they agree, Peadar much more enthusiastically than Máire, but Vanessa snaps at them that they shouldn’t be encouraging Fia’s idiocy by making her feel welcome. Yeah, they should toss her out in the street, and her baby after her! Máire says Fia is a young woman now and should be allowed to make her own decisions, but Vanessa accuses her of just saying that because she’d miss Fia if she left. If only we could cut to a montage now of all the times Máire has complained about having Fia around, particularly my all-time favorite, the time she made Fia go away because she was annoying. Vanessa thinks this all has something to do with Niall, but she can’t figure out what, and at the mention of his name, Fia storms out of the kitchen, forgetting all about her half-finished flour ball, which presumably will appear in a basket on someone’s doorstep tonight with a note asking them to take care of it.

Fia-patra, Queen of the Niall

Season 20, Episode 63

First aired 31 March 2016

We start out at the B&B, where Evan, who seems to be a permanent fixture there now, asks Fia if she’s told her mother Niall is the baby’s father yet. Well, we haven’t heard screaming or explosions, so my guess is no. Vanessa appears in the kitchen and asks Fia if the baby likes Vegemite, and Fia says she doesn’t know because you can’t really get it in Ros na Rún, so Vanessa replies that there’s Vegemite as far as the eye can see back in Australia. Suddenly this has turned into a Men At Work song.

At Gaudi, Mo, Micheál, and Pádraig are gossiping about Fia and the baby, so I guess the latest issue of Máire’s newsletter must have come out. The summer swimsuit issue is my favorite! At the bar, Katy is disappointed that they didn’t win last night’s Eurovision Restaurant Contest (stupid Latvians!), but Jason’s just happy that business is good, and that the two of them are cute together. So cute, in fact, that he takes her hand, but then Pádraig shows up to share the gossip, so they let go of each other like hot potatoes. Pádraig, who in addition to the gay empathy gene also has the gay gossip gene, is thrilled by the scandal. Jason is also excited, so perhaps he’s got it as well, only as a recessive trait. Katy, who is suddenly wise beyond her years and a little boring, can only think about how hard this has been on Máire and Peadar, to which Pádraig replies, “I’d say Máire hasn’t put her rosary beads down since the news broke!” Snerk. He also notes that business will be booming today because gossip brings out the punters, and I guess this is one of those cases where I as a lifelong city-dweller don’t understand that there’s a correlation between some teenager getting knocked up and a spike in small-town restaurant business. 

My Mother's Back, and I'm Gonna Be in Trouble

Season 20, Episode 62

First aired 29 March 2016

We open with Fia sitting at the kitchen table putting on makeup, and judging by the state of her face, this activity has been going on for a while. She finishes, or rather her supply runs out, and puts her coat on to leave just as Evan shows up. She explains that she’s on her way to Galway because her children’s allowance has come through and she needs to buy some more makeup. Someone should tell her it would last longer if she didn’t treat a tube of lipstick as a single serving. When he complains about the mess, she says she’ll clean it up when she gets back, and when he asks when that will be, she helpfully explains, “Later.” Then she tells him to “chillax,” and I am officially done with her. As she skips out the door, he yells after her that she should be ashamed of herself, leaving Péadar and Máire to take care of her baby while she doesn’t lift a finger. She comes back to give him a lecture on the plight of today’s single mother, and there is more of their usual arguing before she leaves and slams the door behind her. Just then, Evan gets a text saying “I’m on my way,” and we all hope it’s Supernanny Jo Frost come to straighten up this dysfunctional mess.

At Berni’s, Bobbi-Lee returns from shopping with the mail in her hand. She puts an obviously empty milk carton down on the counter and starts to open an envelope when she hears someone coming, so she stuffs it in her coat and quickly gets into an “I wasn’t doing anything!” position, which in this case involves casually leaning against the counter as if she’s waiting for a bus. It’s Berni, who’s spun the Berni Wheel Of Complaining and landed on “it took you too long to get the milk.” Bobbi-Lee explains that she got held up by the apparently sexy postman, who wanted her autograph. Berni doesn’t even reply to this nonsense, instead flipping through the mail and complaining that it’s all junk. Bobbi-Lee offers that at least it’s not a bunch of bills, and then the subtitles claim that Berni says this gem: “Unfortunately they are unavoidable, and they have to be paid at some point,” which is a sentence no one would ever say unless they were in a foreign-language textbook having a conversation that also included “Twelve francs! That’s very expensive, but it is a gift for my aunt!” and “Where is the train station? Is it far?” Bobbi-Lee, nervously hiding the letter under her coat, asks Berni if she’s opening the café today, and when Berni says that no, Siobhán is doing it for her, Bobbi-Lee announces that when she went by earlier, nobody was there, especially not Siobhán doing any kind of opening. Berni flips out and goes flying out the door in a rage, hungry for poor Siobhán’s blood, and we wonder why Bobbi-Lee didn’t, for example, GO READ THE LETTER IN THE BATHROOM rather than probably getting poor Siobhan, who I am imagining is a single mother with a severe limp whose twelve children all have different disabilities, fired. Bobbi-Lee opens the letter, and of course it’s Berni’s credit card bill, showing that Bobbi-Lee has racked up a balance of €1942.57. Oops! Well, if she needs a job to pay it off, I know a local café which is probably hiring as of two minutes from now.

Ex-Priests Make Strange Bedfellows

Season 20, Episode 61

First aired 24 March 2016

It’s the morning after the Cois Tine, and a very hung over David wakes up in an unfamiliar bed, decorated in shades of pink and pinker. He has no idea where he is until he sees a photo of Bobbi-Lee on the nightstand, which is of course a hilarious 8 x 10 glossy of her in a cowgirl hat looking saucily over her shoulder. This makes him realize he didn’t spend the night in his own bed, because at his house, there’s an 8 x 10 glossy of himself in a cowgirl hat looking saucily over his shoulder by the bed. He starts to get up and discovers he’s in his boxers, and the whole time he looks like an increasingly confused Fred Flintstone who’s just woken up on Betty Rubble’s rock.

As we move from sexy to sexier, Jason wakes up to find a pleased-looking Katy watching him sleep, which is one of those things you can get away with in the early stages of a relationship, but after you’ve been together a while you wake up to find your partner staring at you and are like, “What?!?”, and he or she replies, “You’ve got a really long hair coming out of your nose.” This is what you have to look forward to, Katy and Jason. They compliment each other cutely on how sexy the previous night’s sex was, and fortunately before we can throw up too much, Cuán starts crying and Jason goes to fetch him. Katy smiles sweetly at first, but then wistfully, and what this scene really needs is a photo of Bobbi-Lee in a cowgirl hat by the bed.

My Imaginary Boyfriend Went to a Cois Tine and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

Season 20, Episode 60

First aired 22 March 2016

It’s the day of the Cois Tine, and Bobbi-Lee appears to be bedazzling a pair of snakeskin boots so they’ll match her outfit. Because, I guess, her outfit is … Wild West Pimp? I don’t even know. She reminds Berni that she’s meeting her frenemy Suzanne Somebody, to whom she was spewing a bunch of lies last week about how famous and constantly sexed-up she is. Berni tells her she can always buy a new pair of shoes and throw those old boots in a bin—preferably one several counties over—and Bobbi-Lee points out that if she had any money, she would. She mentions that she deserves a reward for finding Cathal’s will because rewards are a thing, and she presents into evidence a TV show she saw this one time, which she is probably making up, and if you were watching last week, you’ll recall that Bobbi-Lee always has a vaguely remembered TV show ready to prove her point. Through her pursed lips, Berni asks if Bobbi-Lee is seriously asking for a finder’s fee for something she found while snooping, and of course Bobbi-Lee is like, “Uhh, yeah.” So Berni appears to present Bobbi-Lee with a new designer handbag, but it turns out she’s bought the bag for herself, and she is actually giving Bobbi-Lee something much smaller and cheaper. I can’t tell what it is, but it looks like a 3-pack of blank VHS tapes, so that’s what I’m going to say it is.

Out in the street, Evan’s trying to get cash out of the ATM while Mo tells him that the lads are doing some work on her new house for her, i.e., trying to make it look less like someplace where one of Queen Victoria’s maids died. As usual, Evan is halfway listening, and then gets mad because the machine eats his card without giving him any cash, so Mo announces she’ll just get cash back at the shop, and we’re all satisfied with the resolution of this dramatic tale of microeconomics. Just then Máire appears and complains that she can barely keep her eyes open because Nollaig, who I guess we’re not going to call Liam II after all, kept her up all night, and that Fia is useless, which is news to no one.

Where There's A Will, There's A Won't

Season 20, Episode 59

First aired 17 March 2016

It’s St Patrick’s Day! Which is good, because otherwise the extremely elaborate costumes everyone is wearing would look strange. At the café, Bobbi-Lee is still, as my Scottish/Southern grandfather used to say, “all het up” about the money Cathal left Berni in his will. She’s harassing Berni to accept the €120,000, and you can tell by Berni’s expression that this (one-sided) conversation has been going on for a while, possibly since the end of the last episode two days ago. Berni and Evan are both reluctant to have anything to do with the money, and Bobbi-Lee, in no uncertain terms, tells them that they are both a couple of trippin’ heifers. She tells them she’s sure there are plenty of charities that would love to have the money, and before we can even say “Yeah, the Bobbi-Lee Charity,” Berni says it for us. See, Berni is so much more fun when she’s with Bobbi-Lee. Bobbi-Lee changes tactics and tells them it’s karma, that they earned the money by going on that trip to Crazytown with Cathal, and she points out all the fun Berni and Evan could have spending it. The best part is that when she tells them how much “craic” they could have with the money, Berni repeats the word “craic” hesitantly, as if she’s completely unfamiliar with the term, which, well, it’s Berni, so…. Since that doesn’t work, Bobbi-Lee tries yet another direction, and says Berni could put it in a pension or retirement fund, but Berni says no matter how she thinks about the money it doesn’t feel right, and that she’s not going to take it.

At the pub: it’s Eoin! God, I’ve missed him. I dip in and out of Fair City, but it’s really remarkable to watch Daithí Mac Suibhne and compare his performances on the two shows, because it really is like he’s a completely different person – his body language, mannerisms, expressions, tone of voice, and even his posture are completely different. It’s like he has different sets of eyes he uses depending on whether he’s playing Eoin or Emmet. Anyway, Eoin is sketching some designs for Mo of how she could transform the house she inherited last episode from Grandma’s Candy Dish into Something From The Twentieth Century, At Least. He’s moving all the rooms around and knocking out walls and, maybe, burning it to the ground so Mo can start all over again, and she exclaims that he’s so good at this that he ought to have an architectural TV show. Do we even know what Eoin does for a living? Does he have a job? Before he leaves, Eoin reminds Mo that life can change unexpectedly—a year ago he never thought he’d be married, or on two TV shows!—so she should keep in mind ways she might use the space in case she finds herself with a partner and/or some kids. She’s taken aback by the idea, and then puts on her thinking face as he leaves. Pádraig shows up in an elaborate and terrifying gold-sequined leprechaun costume to buy Mo a drink, but she’s got to go, as she’s got some thinking to do.

Bobbi-Lee: Because Good Taste Is Boring

Season 20, Episode 58

First aired 15 March 2016

We open in the café, where Katy is tense, and doesn’t appreciate Jason sneaking up behind her to scare her. Does anyone like that? She tells him she and her mom are going shopping today, and oh look, here’s Noreen now, who is bemused by this whole notion of pretend siopadóireacht, because she knows, as do we, that Katy is actually going to the Clip-Art-Butterfly Fertility Clinic today.

In the shop, Mack is furious at John Joe, who swears to him that he didn’t know that Dee was representing creepy Muiris in last week’s case. Mack raises his voice, and John Joe asks him to step three feet away to the other side of the shop to cause his scene because it’s apparently more private there. John Joe reminds Mack that he and his daughter aren’t exactly on the best of terms, so Mack should believe he didn’t know what was going on, and not blame him for Dee’s actions. Mack softens, and John Joe offers to go find Ailbhe so they’ll reopen the case, but Mack sadly says it’s over.

In the café, it looks like Noreen is drinking a coffee and Katy is drinking a cup of cream, but it turns out this isn’t the case because Katy has to fast for the procedure. Noreen says she won’t be long then since Katy can’t have anything, and then proceeds to take long, leisurely sips, like it’s the best cup of coffee of her life. She’s practically rubbing her stomach and making “yummy yummy” noises. Katy asks her mother, hypothetically of course, when she should tell a man she was involved with about her sad past, and Noreen is noncommittal and fairly useless. Katy should really go to someone more sensible with these kinds of questions, like Bobbi-Lee. She worries that not telling a man is the same as lying, and Noreen scolds her for wasting her time worrying about pointless things that will probably never happen, like getting a boyfriend.

John Joe shows up to rant about what a scheming cow Dee is, and any other day this would be Katy’s favorite topic of conversation, but today she’s pensive and wistful, so she notes sadly that Mack is heartbroken, and that she tried to tell Dee— She interrupts herself, but the damage is done: John Joe figures out that Katy knew Dee was representing yucky Muiris, and starts having a go at her. Right, because Katy is the one to blame here. John Joe yells at her, and she runs off, and then he feels awful when Noreen points out to him that today is the day of Katy’s procedure. He should pay more attention to his daughter’s storylines and less to Mack’s.

Law & Order: Smug Dee Unit

Season 20, Episode 57

First aired 10 March 2016

It’s finally the day of creepy Muiris’s trial! We open in the hallway outside the courtroom, where Ailbhe is worried that no one will believe her testimony, but Mack assures her that since she’s done nothing wrong, everything will be fine. Well, if there’s anyone whose expert legal advice I would take seriously, it’s Mack. Through gritted teeth, he announces that he’d love to give Muiris’s gang a thump for that beating they gave Ailbhe’s friend Trish, which makes a nervous Ailbhe run to the toilet to throw up. Caitríona, who is here for some reason, scolds Mack for opening his big mouth and runs off to check on Ailbhe. Mack is all, “Huh! Dames!”

At their place, Katy walks into the living room where Jason is making her breakfast in bed. It’s a good thing she comes in when she does, because they haven’t built the “Katy’s bedroom” set yet. She jokes that that’s one way to get into her bedroom, but Jason assures her he’s not pressuring her, and she’s grateful for his patience. He leaves for work, and she opens a letter that’s conveniently right where she’s sitting. It’s an envelope full of poo from Dee! No, it’s a letter from the Caroharry Clinic telling Katy she’s got an appointment in a couple of weeks. I would not trust the medical judgment of any clinic that used a silly pink clip-art butterfly in its letterhead. Katy looks nervous, because with all the recent Jason-ness going on, she’d forgotten she’s involved in this medical storyline.

Nightmare on Blecch Street

Season 20, Episode 56
First aired 8 March 2016

One of the things I love about Ros na Rún is that it keeps the stories moving along at a rapid clip, without letting them get too bogged down, and that it feels like something worthwhile happens in every episode. This one, however, feels like treading water, and is kind of a yawner. Was it broadcast opposite some program that TG4 figured everyone in Ireland would be watching, so they didn’t want to waste a real ep? Did the World Cup just happen without my noticing again?

We open with Jason looking pensive and/or constipated in the shop, and then Katy comes in, and she’s last person he wants to deal with right now, obvs. He suddenly becomes very interested in the latest issue of Seventeen or Your Horse or whatever it is that he’s pretending to look at and then remembers he’s late for an appointment in Galway and tries to dash off, but Katy wants to talk to him about what happened. He tells her the kiss was a mistake and escapes, leaving her standing there with the same open-mouthed gape we left her with at the end of last episode.

Pay No Attention To The Funeral Behind The Curtain

Season 20, Episode 55
First aired 3 March 2016

Mack and John Joe are in the street unloading counterfeit/asbestos-laden/non-cruelty-free coffins that have clearly just fallen off the back of several hearses. Mack points out that he’s not supposed to be doing any heavy lifting, what with his hernia-ectomy or whatever, but John Joe tells him they’ve got to finish before somebody (i.e., Tadgh) sees them, so Mack better shut up and lift with his stomach. The handy thing is that if Mack bursts his stitches and drops dead in the street, John Joe can hook him up with a discount semi-detached barely-used coffin. The handle of one of them almost comes off in Mack’s hand, but John Joe says he can fix it with some glue and paint, and besides, he’s pretty sure coffin handles are just decorative anyway. John Joe announces he’s not afraid of Tadgh, and then almost wets his pants when he hears someone approaching from behind, but it’s just non-murderous ol’ Vince. John Joe recruits him to help with Coffingate, but Mack worries that the more people who know about this caper, the riskier it is. Well, fortunately carrying coffin after coffin into somebody’s house in the middle of the street in broad daylight is very discreet and not suspicious at all.

At the B&B, Fia tries to make nice with Máire, who gives her the “stop kidnapping your own baby” cold shoulder. Fia is wearing a huge white bathrobe that I’m pretty sure she stole from the Hilton. The social worker is coming today, and everyone is nervous, particularly Fia, who’s afraid they’ll call Vanessa. Máire points out that the social worker will probably just take the baby away anyway so Vanessa will be a moot point, which throws Fia into a tizzy.

It Was the Best of Birthdays, It Was the Worst of Birthdays

Season 20, Episode 54

First aired 1 March 2016

I’m not sure which part of the opening credits I enjoy more: when Micheál appears out of nowhere from behind a bookcase that is too small to obscure him, as if he has phased in from another dimension, or Bobbi-Lee the crazy cowgirl doing whatever she is doing.

Anyway. We open with Berni asking Evan if there’s any news from Fia, and he says there’s not. Berni can’t believe Fia is a mother, especially considering what a scheming little ingrate she is, and tells him that Máire and Peadar are freaking out over at the B&B. She thinks they should call the Gardaí, but Evan says there’s no danger because Fia would never do anything to hurt Nollaig. Berni points out that leaving a baby on a doorstep in the dead of winter probably does not qualify Fia for Mother Of The Year. Berni mentions that Máire and Peadar are going to call Vanessa, who will surely know where Fia is, which sends Evan into a Stage III Strop and he goes flying out the door.

Over at the pub, John Joe is buying Katy lunch because it’s her birthday. Apparently somebody gave her a lot of fuchsia lipstick as a birthday gift. She has to go, but John Joe asks her to stop by his place later so he can give her his present, and she’s pleased. The two of them are getting along swimmingly, so something will probably go horribly wrong later.

A céad a cúig déag … a céad a sé déag … a céad a seacht déag …

Well, the blogspot statistics thing tells me that my Ros na Rún recaps have been viewed 117 times in the five days since the first post, including 34 views yesterday alone! So far we’ve had visitors from the US, Ireland, Germany, and Poland. Wow.

So I guess maybe there is an audience for snarky Ros na Rún recaps. What do you think about the show lately? How are you enjoying these episodes? Who do you love, who do you hate? Please leave comments!

And there’s a new episode today! What new doomsday leaflets will Máire distribute? Who will Katy roll her eyes at? And will we ever see Eoin and Eimear again? Let’s find out!

Thanks for reading. GRMA!

PS, in case there's any doubt in your mind as a result of my extreme snarkiness: holy cow, I am completely in love with Ros na Rún. It's seriously, like, my favorite thing. I tease it because I love.

Mack The Knife

Season 20, Episode 53
First aired 25 Feb 2016

We open in the hospital, where Mack is in bed waiting for surgery. Mo and John Joe show up to visit, with John Joe helpfully volunteering that he was already there to drop off some papers at the morgue. The morgue is really what you want to hear about when you’re in the hospital about to be operated on. Of course John Joe and Mack start talking about how hot the nurse is, and Mo is all, “Seriously with this?” There is a long weird lingering shot on Mack, the first of numerous editing and timing oddities this episode.

In the village, Micheál, Frances, and Réailtín run into David and Rónán, who are on their way to court. They tell Rónán he looks nice in his suit, and he grumps that there’s no point since everybody knows he’ll be going to prison anyway. Even Réailitín has had it with his nonsense. David and Rónán leave and O’Shea, who’s looking glum even by her standards, shows up. She tells the group that Judge Molloy is presiding today and that ever since his niece was killed in a road accident, he’s shown little leniency “in cases like this.” Does anyone even remember what Rónán is charged with at this point? Everyone struggles to look concerned.

That Time Réailtín Was Missing But Then She Wasn't

Season 20, Episode 52
First Aired 23 Feb 2016

David and Micheál are arguing in the street, as usual. The topic once again is Rónán, who is still missing, but David thinks he may have a lead on his whereabouts. I have to say I am totally bored by this whole Rónán storyline. Go to jail, don’t go to jail, run away, join the circus, I don’t care. Anyway, David is upset when he sees Rónán’s probation officer Proinsias arrive, and goes over to distract him. Conveniently, O’Shea appears at that moment to ask Micheál if there’s any news on Rónán. Micheál says no, and O’Shea warns him that if Rónán doesn’t appear by 5 o’clock, she will have to file an official report. Oh, no, not an OFFICIAL REPORT!

In the shop, John Joe is on the phone making plans for a funeral. Katy comes in and asks him to take a look at her car because it’s making a noise. He’s wearing a suit, so she asks him if he’s got a funeral, and he says no, he’s got a meeting with the accountant. Lies!  Evan appears and John Joe calls him over to tell him how much he’s enjoying Caitríona’s book, particularly the part where Evan hits Cathal in the head. Evan, flustered, tells John Joe he must’ve read it wrong, because he never hit Cathal, Cathal slipped and hit his head on a pillar. There’s some back and forth about what exactly Evan did to Cathal – my guess is that Evan killed Cathal in the conservatory with the lead pipe – and meanwhile Katy is pursing her lips and rolling her eyes and looking completely annoyed by the whole thing. I adore Katy, mostly because of her ability to be hilariously annoyed by absolutely everyone and everything.

Ros na Recaps

I've noticed there seems to be a dearth of Ros na Rún episode recaps online. By which I mean, there do not seem to be any.

I started watching the show back in autumn 2015 and have since become a little obsessed with it. As I watch twice a week I always think of things I'd like to say about what's going on, so I've finally decided to give recapping a go. Is there an audience for this? Let's find out together!

I am not employed by, associated with, or connected to TG4 or the makers of the show in any way. These recaps are completely unofficial.