At the community center, Gráinne and her yoga ponytail run into Briain. She apologizes for being completely accurate yesterday about the fact that he and Berni are sleeping together, and he’s all, “Well, just don’t let it happen again.” One option would be for him and Berni to try being less completely obvious about their carrying on to anyone who’s paying attention, or alternatively to start accidentally sending naked pictures of themselves to everyone in town and then deny it. Oops, spoilers!
At the shop, Berni runs into Briain, who is giggling into his phone over some app called “Pic” which allows you to send photos to your friends that disappear three seconds after they look at them. If the fact that Briain is amused by this nonsense doesn’t tell Berni that he’s too young for her, nothing will. He smirks that she should send him a “Pic” of her face or areolas or whatever, and she’s all giggly and “Oh, you!” and is clearly wondering if this app is compatible with her flip-phone from 1999. He flits off and she sees Bobbi-Lee, who’s at the post office window mailing threatening letters to Shania Twain and Blake Shelton. She asks if she’s familiar with this Pic thing that all the kids are talking about, and Bobbi-Lee of course says she is, and also invented it probably, but when Berni asks if she’ll teach her how to use it, she basically replies that she would except it would be a complete waste of her valuable time because Berni is stupid and unteachable. Snerk.
Sadly, we cut to the street and see that she has correctly sent it to Briain, which is so disappointing I am going to write an angry letter to my congressman. He smirks at it—I mean even more than usual—and then it looks like he’s about to reach down the front of his pants and do something I didn’t think they were allowed to show on TG4, but it turns out he’s pulling his shirt up to snap a photo of his abs. Evan materializes just as he does this, and then they wrestle over the phone like 13-year-olds, and Evan manages to grab it away from him just in time to see that Briain has just sent a photo of his abs to…Bobbi-Lee! Briain yells that it was a mistake, and Evan laughs that it better have been, because she’s old enough to be his mother. Ev, you have no idea.
Over at the café, Bobbi-Lee gets a generic “ding!” sound on her phone, which means either someone’s sent her a Pic or another country-music star has filed a restraining order against her. It would really save her time if she organized all those into a single class-action lawsuit: Grand Ole Opry v. Ní Neachtain. She sees that it’s a close-up of Briain’s stomach and fumes over what nerve he’s got, the cheeky bastard, and then storms out, passing Fia and Vanessa on her way. Vanessa’s banging on about how cute Liam Óg is, what with his face and hair and limbs, and Fia’s like, “I’m sure you’ll miss him when you go back to Australia! By the way, would that be on today’s 7:10 to Abu Dhabi or the 8:50 to Dubai?” Vanessa chooses this moment to reveal the big surprise she’s got for Fia: she and Niall have decided to stay in Ros na Rún through Christmas! Oh, and also they’re buying Áine an iPad.
And now we’re going to zip through the rest of this recap, because the English subtitles disappear during this scene and never return. So I’m basing this on my memory of what happened from when I first watched this episode five days ago, and from my very limited knowledge of Irish. For all our sakes, we better hope there is a lot of discussion of what color things are and whether various stores are open or closed.
Back at Gaudi, Pól is still off dropping a leisurely deuce when Evan arrives to meet Fia. She’s in a mood today in which her complain-o-meter can go from zero to 700 in 3.5 seconds, so it’s not long before she’s in full whinge about how Vanessa and Niall have decided to stay in Ros na Rún for a few more weeks, which is ruining all her carefully orchestrated plans, such as ringing Vanessa from a pay phone, putting on a borderline-offensive Middle Eastern accent, and claiming to be a representative from Qatar Airways informing her that she’s won two free one-way tickets on today’s flight to Doha. They have a long discussion, the exact content of which I don’t remember, but the important part is that Pól is hiding behind a sugar dish and overhears Evan mention that Fia and Niall slept together. This causes him to make “searing gas pain” faces, which I think is supposed to mean he’s trying to figure out how to use this knowledge to his advantage.
Over at the pub, Dee destroys any goodwill she might have accumulated with Mo earlier by banging on to her and Gráinne about how lucky they are to have brainless pressure-free menial jobs, because her extremely important and complicated job is totes stressful. Like, the other day the copier was out of toner, and Dee couldn’t find the girl whose job it is to fix it, so she sacked her, and her crying and begging totally did Dee’s head in. Mo and Gráinne give her the “Oh no you better don’t!” side-eye they learned watching RuPaul’s Drag Race, and Mack looks despondent, because he knows this is his life now and his only escape will be the sweet cool embrace of the grave, or bogging off to Portugal and changing his name when Dee isn’t looking. Just as Mo is about to grab a handful of Dee’s luxurious hair and pull her to the ground, Caitríona arrives with a thirst for Gráinne’s blood, and also for a nice white wine. She pulls her aside and starts complaining about something to do with someone named Louise who works at Loinnir and whom Gráinne gave too many hours, or not enough hours, or joint ownership of the business as an early Hanukkah present, or something. I don’t remember the details of this conversation, which the Irish subtitles unhelpfully tell me is full of words I don’t know like “margaíochta,” but the important bit is that Caitríona threatens her a lot and then drags her back to the salon by the arm.