We open at the hospital, where Katy is sleeping off the six to eight tranquilizer darts it took to get her into the bed in the first place. It’s nice that they gave her a bed with linens that have clearly never been used before and in fact still have the straight-out-of-the-package creases in them. She starts muttering Jay’s name and then wakes up to look confusedly around the room, calling out “Jay!” again, although I suppose it is also possible she is trying to ask someone, “Cad é mar atá tú?” but loses consciousness halfway through the question.
Back in town, Mack drops Jay off at the crÁeche and then a radiant Dee takes his arm and they stroll happily across the road, with baby Bláithín in her stroller, and Dee has that classic I-just-gaslighted-my-sister-into-an-asylum glow about her, that’s for sure.
We cut back to the hospital set, where they have dumped Brídín Ní Mhaoldomhnaigh out of the bed and quickly shoved Treasa Ní Cheannabháin into it. Briain stands outside Jude’s hospital room looking traumatized. Jude looks moderately traumatized as well, though it’s unclear whether it’s because she’s just been hit by a car or because she’s got a crying Berni all up in her face.
And speaking of, back at the hospital Briain is on the phone with someone who tells him that his car is currently located in a field somewhere. Before he can ask questions, such as “Who is this?” and “How did you get this number?”, Berni appears, thanks him for being such a swell guy who hardly ever kills her mother, and suggests he pop in to see Jude. Yes, Briain and Jude together is always a winning pair. Briain suddenly remembers that he is supposed to be in Dublin muscling Leo & Matt’s machines and tries to make a swift exit, but Berni stops him so she can ask him rhetorically what kind of monster would run over an old lady and leave her by the side of the road. Probably someone with a permanent ten-o’ clock shadow and an epic chin cleft. I’m just batting around ideas. Before he can incriminate himself, which he will have to save for about 10 minutes from now, she volunteers that she blames Sorcha for all this, what with her being a longtime wagon and all. Briain agrees that Sorcha is DEFINITELY to blame for all this, and is also a total liar who’d best not be believed NO MATTER WHAT she might say in the next few weeks, and then Berni vows to find whoever did this and make them pay. This is no empty threat, because as we all know, Berni is an expert at punishing people for playing any role in her life whatsoever.
At the shop, we get our first Bobbi Lee sighting of the year, so all is right with the world. She and Máire are gossiping about Poor Jude, and Máire reflects philosophically about how this proves how fragile life is. One minute you can be out for a simple midnight walk along an unlit winding road, and the next your granddaughter can be slapping you in the street for interrupting her having sex on the floor of a filthy squat. Bobbi Lee has no time for this theological lesson and shares the breaking news that the Gardaí hauled Katy off last night, and just then Tadhg appears from behind a Flake bar and demands to know what’s all this about Katy. They have really got to put a bell around his neck.
John Joe wanders into Katy’s room for a visit, and she immediately goes semi-berserk with excitement, anxiety, and possible amphetamine withdrawal symptoms. He tries to make inane happy talk about how they removed fist-sized gallstones from Noreen and, even more exciting, Bianca is back on EastEnders, but Katy frantically insists that she doesn’t want Dee anywhere near Jay. John Joe has clearly tried to brace himself for this, but even so, you can see the anguish on his face when he realizes his daughter does not seem to be any better, and even worse, continues to hold on to her Dee=Monster theory. He tries to distract her by describing Noel and Prue’s latest GBBO outfits in great detail, but she will not be deterred, and instead starts rattling off all the things she’s convinced Dee has done to her. They all sound preposterous but are, of course, absolutely accurate. He finally snaps and says this sounds crazy, and then Katy starts screaming that Dee is the one who’s crazy and then bursts into tears, which is of course exactly what a crazy person would do. This is all just too, too delicious.
Back at their place, Dee announces to Mack that she’s found Jay’s favorite teddy, which is clearly brand-new and has never been touched by a child. You can tell because the white bits are still white and because it doesn’t stick to Dee’s hands when she tries to put it down. Mack tells her she needs to get some rest because she’s had a difficult couple of days, at which point she remembers that she should probably act upset about her sister being hauled off to the you-know-where, or at least smile and dance less. She puts on her saddest face, but instead of telling Mack how terrible it is that poor Katy is so unwell, she instead accuses Katy of saying a bunch of awful things to her, which include, in this order: 1) “You look frumpy” 2) “Dad doesn’t like you” 3) “You have no friends” and 4) “Mack doesn’t love you.” I like how alleged frumpiness is the first terrible thing Dee can think of, and we won’t discuss the fact that #3 is true, so…. Anyway, #4 makes Mack furious, but before Dee can accuse Katy of setting fire to Notre Dame, Tadhg materializes and says, brilliantly, “What’s all this I hear about you having Katy committed?”
Out in the street, we have a D-story involving Máire’s long-lost friend Colleen, which is facilitated by David and Gráinne’s usual incompetent meddling. We vaguely remember something about this from the end of last season, but because it did not seem to involve Máire developing super-powers or having a long-lost identical twin named Fláire, we promptly forgot about it. Anyway, we will find out later this episode that Colleen has died, and this all seems very much like the type of storyline that is designed to either introduce a new character or write out an old one, so we will probably have to care about this later, but not right now.
Back at the Mariah Carey “Exhaustion” Ward at Spiddal General Hospital, Katy is babbling nervously to Mack while tidying up the room to make it look less like someplace a crazy person would live, untying the sheets she’s knotted together to climb out the window and kicking the Dee voodoo dolls under the bed and such. Just as she’s about to demonstrate how she totally thinks she can run up the wall and do a backflip like in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, he interrupts her. He’s not here for a social call, he explains: he’s here to yell at her for telling Dee he doesn’t love her. Katy denies having ever said this, and then they argue for a while about who’s the crazy one. At one point Mack says, “I know that our relationship is kind of weird, I will admit that,” sealing his nomination in this year’s Understatement of the Year Awards, and eventually Katy tells him this is all Dee’s way of seeking revenge for the fact that…Jay is his son! Eep!
Over at the gas station, Briain tells Sorcha he’s going to confess to Berni re: the hit and run, but she points out that they would get in big trouble, which would put a big crimp in her jam-making and elder-abuse businesses. They press pause on their conversation when O’Shea stops to tell him that she’d like to talk to Jude ASAP to ask if she remembers anything. After she drives off, Sorcha says they must not have much to go on if they’re depending on Jude’s memory to crack the case, but Briain worries that they’ll find pieces of the mirror in the road or in Jude’s abdomen and be able to trace them back to his car. She explains that as long as his car is sitting in that field in rural Bavaria, nobody will know it’s missing a mirror, but he wonders how much longer he can make excuses to Berni about why he’s walking everywhere all of a sudden and his car is nowhere to be seen. Well, he could accuse Adam of stealing it, which would buy him at least a few weeks and get Adam back to the jail cell WHERE HE BELONGS. Sorcha says she’ll call around to a few scrapyards and find a mirror for a blue 1966 Reliant Regal or whatever Briain drives and that it’ll be as good as new by tomorrow evening, but until then, he just needs to cool it. The fact that he responds to this by furrowing his brow so violently it sucks her earrings off suggests to me that this is unlikely, but OK.