Grand Central Stations

Season 21, Episode 41

First aired 24 January 2017

We open at the hospital, where Katy is hooked up to so many machines her transformation into cyborg is nearly complete, and Jason is watching, and probably wondering who Mack is sleeping with right now. We cut quickly to the bachelor pad, where Gráinne is soaking her injured foot/ankle/aura and applying eye of newt and wing of fish to it. They try to pour poitín on it, but it seems this bottle has gone off, so David tells her he’ll head up to the still for more, and she brightly notes that the seaweed has practically healed it anyway.

Sadly, before we get an explanation of whether Gráinne is using the seaweed internally or externally, we return to the hospital, where the doctor is stuffing Katy’s interior full of Gráinne-brand kelp. It really helps draw the unconsciousness out! No, no, it’s only John Joe arriving to tell Jason he’ll sit with Katy if he wants to go see the baby. Jason doesn’t, and is evasive, and John Joe tells him, more gently than you’d imagine, that whatever happened between Katy and Jason and Mack and David Beckham, it’s not the baby’s fault, and he begs Jason to go see him, to hold him, and give him a reason to live. You know things are dire when John Joe is being reasonable and not drunkenly threatening to punch everyone and then pass out in a preschool’s sandbox.

I'm Having Somebody's Baby

Season 21, Episode 40

First aired 19 January 2017

We spend much of this medical episode on a hospital set somewhere, which I assume they didn’t construct onsite, but I wonder where it is. Perhaps it’s elaborately painted plywood, and if an extra bumped into it, it would all fall down and we’d realize we are actually in Berni’s living room. Anyway, medical-type people wheel Katy in on a gurney, which I think is called something else across the pond, but I don’t know what. Mack is in tow, which I’m sure will not cause conflict at any point during this episode, such as right now, when Jason shows up and starts shooting daggers at him from down the corridor.

At the bachelor pad, David arrives home to find that a cheery Gráinne has prepared his favorite, by which I mean least favorite, meal for dinner: Omelette à la Sad with Nettle Soup à la Disgusting. He starts preemptively throwing up, though I’m sure he’d look less stricken if he knew a hospital set is nearby. He and Katy might have to share a bed, though, since there was only room in the budget for one. Gráinne flicks through the post and is distraught that the electric bill is due, because she’s pretty sure she just paid one of those last year, and the ESB does not accept payment in magic beans or good chi. David assures her he’ll pay her share, again, but she looks pained, and not just because she’s standing within smelling distance of her soup.

Back in the corridor of doom, which we will be seeing a lot of today, Jason is trying to throw Mack out of the hospital, but he’s not going anywhere, because he has fond memories of this place from when Mo paid for his lobotomy here last year. Dee, Noreen, and John Joe arrive in a panic, and are unhappy to see Mack there, but everyone quickly turns their ire on Dee when they learn that although she was there when Katy’s uterus started shooting flames and then her head popped off, instead of calling for help she rolled her eyes and left in a huff because, and I quote, “You know how she is! I thought she was making a big deal of nothing.” She is probably remembering the time Katy willed herself to have a prolapsed prostate to get out of a math test. Someone appears who may be a doctor, but it’s hard to tell because she’s wearing a Persian rug instead of a white coat, and after some confusion about which of the assembled mob is the father/husband/whatever, she announces that they’re going to have to keep Katy until she has the baby because she’s got pre-eclampsia. She explains that if the placenta keeps flying out they may have to induce early labor, which Noreen recognizes is frightening because Katy is only 7 months along, and 7 is less than 9.

Sisters of No Mercy

Season 21, Episode 39

First aired 17 January 2017

We open at the community center, where Bobbi-Lee is following Tadhg around begging him to give her back her job, because she really needs someplace to stand around doing nothing on these chilly winter evenings. His response, which I bet means he’s thinking about it, is to hand Frances a “Help Wanted” note to pin to the bulletin board and then stomp off. Bobbi-Lee asks Frances if she can’t do something, but Frances is basically like, “You know Tadhg is insane and terrifying,” and then she points out that Bobbi-Lee doesn’t have any proof she didn’t steal the poitín, so nyaah. Frances giveth, and she taketh away. She leaves, and then Bobbi-Lee puts on her thinking face and snatches the advert off the board.

Katy and Jason return home from Donegal, where they presumably sat around watching Ferdia watch TV, which you may recall Katy pretending to vomit about the last time the topic of going to Donegal came up. It seems they had a lovely time anyway, though Jason notes that Cuán seemed very happy to be returned to the crèche, which makes sense given he is the only one in this family who has any friends anymore. He invites Katy out for lunch, or to go with him to a conference in Limerick he’s got to attend, but she couldn’t possibly, because she’s got a full afternoon lifetime of hiding in the house from Dee to do and can’t reschedule it. He tells her she can’t avoid Dee forever, which she seems to take as a challenge, and when he finally leaves, she winces and rubs her temples, the universal soap opera symbol for “something is wrong with my baby, or I have a brain parasite.”

Berni and Máire are out in the street having a friendly passive-aggressive argument about which of them is the most priggishly downtrodden when Bobbi-Lee stops them to tell Berni about walking in on Máire and Peatsaí’s afternoon delight the other day. Máire is mortified, and it doesn’t help when Bobbi-Lee claims Peatsaí didn’t have a stitch on, which is clearly a lie, or else it’s been so long since she’s seen a naked man that she’s forgotten what one looks like. A gasping Máire goes into a full Status Red head-shaking denial-storm, which amuses Bobbi-Lee and Berni to no end, and it’s hard to blame them, because it’s pretty damn funny.

Having caused all the trouble she can with those two for the moment, Bobbi-Lee proceeds down the street and runs into Topknot, who of course is surly and has an attitude, but she is intrigued when Bobbi-Lee offers her €50 for a bit of information. Well, one can buy a lot of gold hoop earrings with that kind of dosh.

Smells Like Poitín Spirit

Season 21, Episode 38

First aired 12 January 2017

The TG4 introductory ad thing with a ship being dropped into the water from space, which I never understood, has been replaced by a new one depicting a tractor being swallowed by a sinkhole that opens into a steampunk underground facility of some kind, which I also do not understand. Apparently the network’s slogan is: “TG4: Huh?”

Anyway! We open out in the street, where Mo happens upon Tadhg, who is searching for his missing poitín in all the likely locations, such as under a bush, in a bird’s nest, inside a baby’s pram, etc. They bicker, and then Micheál and Laoise, who apparently travel around together now, stop by to join in for a bit, including a discussion of how they thought Customs was going to shut the pub down. Laoise says she’s glad they didn’t, because even though the pub is terrible, it’s very convenient, ha ha. Well done, Laoise, since business owners always enjoy people insulting their establishments, particularly those with a great sense of humor about themselves like Tadhg. Laurel and Hardy wander away, and Tadhg concludes to Mo that whoever stole his poitín, he hopes they rot in hell. It would be easier if Tadhg just started pointing out people he doesn’t want to rot in hell, which would basically be Áine and possibly Frances.

And speaking of hell, we cut to the B&B, where Adam and Fia are playing with the stolen bottles of poitín. Adam’s putting them in his backpack a few at a time to go out and sell them, or, now that’s he’s seen Pól’s instructional YouTube video, to make Molotov cocktails out of them. Fia is nervous, but also semi-aroused, because she wishes he’d take all of the bottles to keep Máire from finding them, but at the same time she really wants to make out with him.

At Casa de Dee, also known as the Mack Is Still Sleeping On The Sofa Motel, she’s ignoring yet another phone call from her dad. Mack tells her they’re going to have to face her family eventually, and it’d be better to go ahead and get it over with before they all show up unannounced at the front door, but she’s not sure. It seems she’s progressing nicely through the stages of grief, though, having left Passive-Aggressive Town and arrived via the night train to Semi-Comatose Shockville.

Tadhg Ó Direáin in "Operation: Destroy Mo"

Season 21, Episode 37

First aired 10 January 2017

Another day begins at the pub, where Tadhg is still ranting to Bobbi-Lee about how that witch Mo is going to pay for what she’s done, and we get the impression it’s been going on without interruption since the final scene of last episode, possibly with a break for a Bobbi-Lee costume change. Mo arrives, a few minutes late, so Tadhg sends Bobbi-Lee off to have a cup of coffee and read the latest issue of Jackie while Mo mucks out the toilets, which are especially bad today because last night the pub hosted the local chapter of Horses With Dysentery’s monthly meeting. Mo is annoyed as she trudges off to put on her hazmat suit, and Bobbi-Lee and Tadhg look pleased with themselves. Those two being on the same side of any issue may be even more alarming than Bobbi-Lee and Berni agree agreeing about something.

Frosty the SnowDee and Mopey Mack arrive home from their honeymoon, which has clearly been as pleasant as eating a beehive, to be greeted by Gráinne and Pádraig springing up from behind the counter shouting “Surprise!” One wonders how long they’ve been waiting there. Pádraig welcomes them home in Italian, so apparently they’ve honeymooned at Pizza Hut. As the happy couple, i.e., Pádraig and Gráinne, pop open a bottle of champagne, Dee is passive-aggressive while Mack looks terrified and confused, which is clearly going to be the theme of their marriage.

Back at the pub, Bobbi-Lee is struggling with a children’s crossword puzzle while Mo hilariously says she’s got a five-letter word for her: O-B-A-I-R, which she suggests Bobbi-Lee try doing sometime. Snerk. Tadhg makes a production of tracking mud across the floor Mo’s just mopped, and Bobbi-Lee tells her that whatever she’s done, Tadhg sure has it in for her. Mo, this is why you should always remain neutral when a battle breaks out between Tadhg and Peatsaí, and by “remain neutral” I mean “flee to Switzerland.”

Flirting, Semi-Flirting, and Standing Around in Close, Confusing Proximity

Season 21, Episode 36

First aired 5 January 2017

We begin with Tadhg accosting David and Mo in the street, sneering that David won’t need the keys to the “children’s prison” (hee!) much longer because soon Tadhg’s name will be over the door. He facetiously wishes them a nice day and disappears into the pub, and Mo gripes that Tadhg is “nothing but a dirty snake,” as if this is news to anyone. David cryptically tells her that after the bidding, he’ll be the one smiling, not Tadhg. I don’t have a lot of faith in this given David’s track record in trying to outwit Tadhg, but it’s nice to see him making a threat that doesn’t involve karate for a change.

Things are awkward at Jason’s, where Katy offers him a cup of coffee, which causes him to remember that he’s late for a very important appointment at anywhere Katy is not. She stops him on his way out and asks if he’d like risotto for dinner, and he completely unenthusiastically agrees, because risotto is a food of the sort one might eat for dinner, according to his files. It’s clearly been a fun few days at Katy and Jason’s.

In the café, Berni is taking down the Christmas tat while Bobbi-Lee looks at photos of herself on her laptop. Unlike all the other times she's sat around looking at photos of herself while Berni worked, however, this time she's trying to choose one for the cover of her new album, which she will preemptively call Bobbi-Lee’s Greatest Hits Volume 1, because they will all be hits, obvs. Berni is only about 6% interested in this, so after Bobbi-Lee frets and waffles about it, Berni tells her to go get some new pictures taken if she doesn’t like these. Bobbi-Lee replies that she doesn’t have the money, which causes Berni to momentarily freak out because she thinks she’s already spent the €3000 she just gave her on magic beans and magic hair extensions until it’s clarified that the 3 grand is for the CD, but doesn’t include the price of the photos. She should just find somebody who has a phone with a camera on it, such as anyone. 

Love Among the Ruins

Season 21, Episode 35

First aired 2 January 2017

One of the many things I like about Ros na Rún is that it often goes in the opposite direction from the one you’d expect, as with this episode. Most soaps would’ve picked up last episode’s explosive Mack-based cliffhanger right where we left off, which probably would’ve included Dee either inserting Katy into the wedding cake or inserting the wedding cake into Katy. Instead, we pick up The Morning After with an episode that, apart from some (not unjustified) screaming from Noreen, is surprisingly low-key and thoughtful, and it gives a nice non-OTT realism to this gigantic storyline that’s been building for six months. That said, we wouldn’t want it all the time, so I do hope that next episode we pick up with, say, a screaming mascara-streaked Bobbi-Lee crashing an ice-cream truck into Vince’s house. Or Vince’s face.

Anyway! It’s a gorgeous sunny morning in Ros na Rún, or at least they have CGI’ed sunshine over top of the rain and street flooding. You never know anymore. Chez Daly, Katy hands Noreen what appears to be a giant flamingo-pink frilly hoop and says “You left this behind,” but sadly it turns out to be mother-of-the-bride wedding headgear and not a mother-of-the-bride ballet recital tutu. Noreen shoots her an icy glare and silently marches out of the room, and Katy knows this is going to be a long and difficult mother-daughter day, much like every day of her life from age six until, well, now.

Speaking of ice-cold Dalys, Dee is packing her bags in the bridal suite with as much hostility and resentment as she can muster, which it turns out is quite a lot. Mack looks like a stubbly puppy that’s gotten in trouble for pooing on the new carpet, which I suppose is metaphorically exactly what he did, and also possibly literally what he did. If so, cleaning that up is probably not included in the price of the hotel’s wedding package. He asks Dee if she wants to just cancel their flight, but she frostily says she doesn’t know about him, but she needs a break. We assume she means of one or more of Mack’s vertebrae. Up until now the worst honeymoon I ever heard of was my sister’s, when she and my brother-in-law spent their entire Caribbean cruise in the cabin throwing up, but it seems Dee and Mack are set to steal that particular title from them, with or without the help of food poisoning.