8 Questions with ... Colm Mac Gearailt

Season 22 of Ros na Rún introduced several intriguing new characters, but perhaps none got into as many messes as Briain, who arrived in town as David's wayward cousin with a mysterious past and soon found himself in a scandalous relationship with Berni! Briain certainly caused trouble wherever he went, even though much of it was inadvertent, and I'm fortunate to have had the chance to talk to the actor who plays him, Colm Mac Gearailt, about himself, his character, and life in Ros na Rún!

Ob-La-Dee, Ob-La-Don't (Season Finale)

Season 22, Episode 82

First aired 14 June 2018

It’s the season finale, and there’s some serious craziness ahead, so let’s get right to it! We open, as we often do with Very Special Episodes, with a montage set to some sad minor-key piano music that suggests Adele is about to show up and wish her ex-boyfriend well even though he’s a complete bastard and she wants him to die. Instead, however, we get a close-up of Peatsaí’s pores looking rather lifeless and Mo sitting beside his hospital bed saying she’s sorry for ignoring him when he was carrying about “not feeling well” and “being on the brink of death” yesterday, although we all know it’s mostly Colm’s fault. We then montage over to a shot of Mack and Katy making awkward eye contact as she sits in the pub doing her geography homework, and then we’re at Micheál’s, where Laoise is shoving all her clothes into a black bin bag, which is where most of them belong. Hopefully this is the first step toward her getting a new wardrobe next year, preferably with more saturated colors like the lovely blue floral thing she’s wearing today. We complete our funereal montage by returning to Peatsaí’s bedside, where Mo reminisces about the good times they’ve had with him watching her rolling out the bins while having cancer and getting his ponytail caught in a mousetrap and so on.

Back at the pub, Mack asks Katy if Jay’s imaginary bed was returned to the shop in time to get a refund, and in return she snots that she knows what he’s up to and she’s not falling for it. Of course Mack is one of the great devious schemers of our times, as evidenced by the utterly blank look he gives her in response to this accusation. Before it can turn into an argument over nothing like all Katy’s conversations do, Tadhg interrupts to ask Mack if Peatsaí’s dead yet, presumably because he’s wondering if he should gas up the hearse. Mack grimly reports that Peatsaí was completely unresponsive this morning, even by his standards, although it’s also possible Mack got confused and was trying to talk to a mannequin in the underwear department at Dunnes, which would also explain the plastic headlessness. Tadhg reports that he’s got to head over to the hospital later today to pick up a corpse anyway, adding that it sure would be convenient if Peatsaí died before then so he wouldn’t have to make two trips. Tadhg Ó Direáin: always thinking about his carbon footprint.

A cheerful Dee shows up, which is Katy’s cue to flee upstairs, but not before she asks if she can do her a favor and pick Jay up from the crÀeche, which will hopefully get its character encoding fixed over the summer, and drive him to his breakdancing lesson or whatever, but Dee says she can’t because she’s got a facial scheduled followed by a trip into town. Doesn’t she work anymore? Before Katy can inevitably attack Dee for being a selfish bitch, Mack volunteers that he could go pick Jay up, causing Katy to choke on her gristle sandwich and sputter that no, she’ll just put him up for adoption or burn down the town or something. She leaves, and Tadhg and Mack get into another spat about whether it’s funny that Peatsaí might die, and if so, how funny on a scale of 10 to 0, with 10 being “pants-wettingly hilarious” and 0 being“Mrs Brown’s Boys.” Dee, who you may recall has suddenly reached Adam levels of saintliness lately, starts berating herself for being thoughtless and swanning off to get a facial while poor, harried single mother Katy barely has enough time to make out with Mack in various locations around the greater Europe area. Yeah, Dee, you’re the problem here.

Kicking and Screaming

Season 22, Episode 81

First aired 12 June 2018

We open the penultimate episode of the season with a shot of Bloody Peatsaí lying unconscious on the living room floor, having tripped over a pile of septicemia and hit his head. Well, slán, a Pheatsaí. We then cut to Keane’s, where Adam takes a break from selling bondage gear or whatever they do there to call Laoise an old drunk, which gives us hope that the old Adam may be returning, but sadly it turns out he thought she was Peatsaí. It’s unclear whether she’s more annoyed about being called an old drunk or about being mistaken for Peatsaí. Anyway, she’s here looking for Micheál, who of course never sets foot in the place anymore, and then asks Adam if he’s got any empty boxes she can use for her upcoming move. The old Adam would’ve rolled his eyes, asked, “Do I look like an effing box factory?” and then stolen her wallet, but because he is the Caring, Sharing Adam of 2018 he tells her he doesn’t think he has any boxes right now, but he’ll be happy to bring her some later. The line between Adam and Ned Flanders is getting uncomfortably fine.

Laoise runs into Máire as she wanders down the street and asks if there’s any news from Fia. We are initially confused by her giving a damn about anyone other than herself, particularly her longtime nemesis Fia, but she quickly makes it clear she’s expressing concern for Fia’s well-being facetiously and is actually using this as an opportunity to talk shit about what a spoiled little madam Fia is. Remember when Laoise wasn’t grindingly negative all the time about everything? I miss that. Máire explains that Fia is off travelling around Europe or Asia influencing people, places, and things right now, which presumably involves shouting “Stay fierce!” at inanimate objects as she falls in a canal. After 17 more minutes of dragging Fia through the mud in absentia, Laoise decides to tell Máire that she and Eric are moving in together, which gives Máire an opportunity to faint a lot about living in sin and getting the milk for free and how 10 out of 9 people who live together without being married die of carbon monoxide poisoning within the first 72 hours. Laoise is surprised by Máire’s disapproving and tut-tutting, having apparently never met her before, and then they wander off in different directions. Thus ends another successful Ros na Rún social interaction.

I Might Have Tried Washing It, But Maybe That's Just Me

Season 22, Episode 80

First aired 7 June 2018

Have we discussed the fact that Ros na Rún won Ireland’s Villagiest Village? And the grand prize was a beanbag chair and a selfie stick for the teen hangout room we have never seen? I’m not sure it was the most thrilling result for a storyline that went on for a year—using the money to build a monorail would’ve been more interesting, especially when Áine hijacked it and crashed it into the side of Tayto Park—but I suppose it’s satisfying to know that Ros na Rún is, in fact, the villagiest village in all of Ireland. That will look much nicer on the signs than “The Murder Capital of the West.”

Anyway, it’s a new day, one on which there will be no screenshots because: TG4 website weirdness. We open out in the street where Frances checks her account balance at the ATM and then frowns in the direction of the pub. She senses that perhaps there have been further financial shenanigans on Tadhg’s part, with Exhibit A being that there is no money in their joint account and Exhibit B being that on her ATM receipt there is a picture of him giving her the middle finger. This is why, in the absence of a pre-nup, the first thing you should do when you get married is kill your spouse before he or she gets a chance to take all your money.

At the B&B, Máire is furiously rosary-ing, and we get the impression this has been going on for a while because her beads are smoldering. Berni offers her a nourishing bread sandwich, but she pushes it away because her simultaneous love and disgust for Fia are all the sustenance she needs, like those monks in China who mummify themselves by eating a lot of cedar chips and potpourri.

Meanwhile, in a very artistic cut across town that shows we are all universally connected sandwich-rejecters, we see Bloody Peatsaí, whose sobriquet has never been more accurate than it will be today, pushing a sandwich away and coughing dramatically. Sorry, Peats, but each soap only gets one death-by-coughing per season, and we’ve already had ours for this year. Deaths that are still up for grabs include “standing too close to a windmill” and “getting pushed in front of a bus by Adam.”

Rash Cash Trash Smash

Season 22, Episode 73

First aired 18 May 2018

We open at the café, where Gráinne presents Mo with an envelope allegedly full of the money they raised for her medical bills at the radio auction thing. She cautions that the money hasn’t come in yet for Cóilí Jackie’s Ming vase once owned by Superman, which leads to a discussion of how he acts like a belligerent old lunatic you’d see on the corner yelling at a lamppost, but that deep down, he has a good heart. Remember this for later. Mo leaves to go thank him for his generosity, and I have no idea why everyone’s assuming he had any idea how much the vase was worth when he donated it, but I’m sure it won’t come back to bite us all in the arse later this episode.

Over at Maggie’s, which Pól and his intermittent paramour Fia are quickly transforming into Squat II: Electric Boogaloo, he’s shoving Maggie’s old tat into bin bags to be taken to the charity shop and/or thrown at cars from a highway overpass for laughs. Pól is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you’re going to get, and sometimes it turns out to be a laxative. Fia arrives from the shop, which you may recall is officially open now that Donny Osmond or similar has broken a champagne bottle over it, and she’s carrying a bag full of essentials for Squat Life, including the 3 B’s: beer, bog roll, and botulism. It’s unclear whether she’s still a vegetarian now that she and Niall are on the outs, but if so, there is probably also bok choy. There is light domestic dramedy during which they pretend to know who John Denver is, and Pól gives Fia an antique brooch she’s been admiring while he relates a story Maggie told him about the time she and Janis Joplin crashed a blimp into Woodstock while Jimi Hendrix was onstage. Fia decides they should spend the day listening to all of Maggie’s records as a tribute to her, which is sweet, and additionally a way for her to stay away from Máire and Liam Óg all day.

Back at the café, an emergency meeting of the town deadbeats and some extras has broken out because the Ireland’s Villagiest Village people have announced a surprise visit from the judges today. As usual when there is tepid community activism on display, Micheál is in charge, and I’m still not sure whether this is more or less exciting than last season’s windmills were, but then Pádraig didn’t give the entire town mass diarrhea and vomiting during the windmill storyline, so I guess I’ll give the edge to the contest. Caitríona, who has taken a break from her crime spree to be here, volunteers to give the judges a tour of the various Caitríona-related landmarks around town, pointing out that they’ve probably heard of her from that time she made Santa and all those orphans cry during the Toy Show. Micheál agrees that Caitríona giving the judges a tour is certainly an idea with a subject, a verb, and an object, but also wants to make sure people who are not Caitríona have a chance to propose ideas. For example, ANYTHING ELSE. Eventually it’s decided that since there are three judges, they will split them up because it is usually easier to murder people and steal their identities individually than in groups. Amy will take one to the community center because judges like windowless rooms full of IKEA furniture, Laoise will take one to the polytunnel because judges like to see places where David has been shot, and Caitríona will take the third judge to see Loinnir to be packed in seaweed and dug up 3000 years from now as a bog body. Micheál is satisfied with this plan because his sources tell him that so far the none of the other contenders for Ireland’s Villagiest Village have managed to keep more than one out of three judges alive till the end of the day, and besides, we’ve all forgotten what the point of this contest is anyway.

Don't Stand So Close To Me

Season 22, Episode 71

First aired 8 May 2018

We’re back after a week in which we had a very special guest star in the form of Daniel O’Donnell, and like the last very famous guest star Francis Brennan, I don’t know who he is. Unlike Frances Brennan, however, I am pretty sure Daniel O’Donnell is not Gordon Ramsay’s father. Anyway, we were treated to famous singer/actor/chef/something Daniel O’Donnell as part of the grand opening festivities of the shop, which has been open for 8 months. We won’t go into the part where Vince made up the whole thing about having a celebrity lined up, presumably figuring it would all work out because either a) the entire town would forget about it or b) a famous celebrity would happen to wander through at the desired time while carrying giant ceremonial scissors. Clearly years of living with Caitríona has started to erode Vince’s brain. More excitingly, Caitríona got arrested twice in one day, once for starting a catfight in the street with Bobbi Lee and once for being a complete wagon to Dull Tony, who unfortunately for her is a police officer.

We open at the B&B, where Niall informs Fia he has a date today and she turns various shades of purple because it’s not with her. He thinks she’s flustered by this news because she can’t imagine him dating anyone other than her mother, but of course Fia does not give two shits about Vanessa and instead has been batting her eyelashes so furiously in Niall’s direction lately he should start wearing safety goggles. To throw him off the trail, such as it is, she makes up a story about how she’s got a date today, too, with a young lad named, errr, George Glass, but she’s sure Niall doesn’t know him because he’s from, umm, two towns over. Niall isn’t sure he cares about any of this, but he tells her that any lad who’s going out with a girl—nay, woman—like Fia is a very lucky boy indeed, no matter how theoretical he may be.

The Bleakest Link

Season 22, Episode 68

First aired 26 April 2018

We’re back after a brief break that mostly consisted of Katy and Jason fighting a lot and Ferdia being an asshole all the time. Now that you’re all caught up, today’s episode opens with Katy and Jason returning from their delightful half-price holiday that famous philanthropist Ferdia gave them at a hotel that was being dynamited the following day due to its fatal levels of ambient uranium. They are, of course, greeted at the pub door by Mack, drawn here by his irresistible magnetic attraction to Katy’s uterus, and his complete obliviousness to toxic awkwardness. Katy suddenly remembers she needs to be somewhere else and Jason picks up exactly where he left off before their minibreak, i.e., glaring at the back of Mack’s head. In case you missed it, this is all because the Hello Kitty DNA app on Katy’s phone revealed there is a 0.0% chance Jason is Jay’s father and also a 94% chance Katy and Dee will not be speaking to each other by the end of the season.

Over at the NoneFM studios, Caitríona is rattling off a list of work she will take credit for after Amy does it. This includes doing a live broadcast from the cabbage-and-USB-cables aisle of the shop, supervising a group of student interns who will be surprised when they get here and discover it is not actually RTÉ Radio 1 as they were told, and, if time allows, photocopying their bottoms and mailing them to Máire. Amy starts making her usual “I have made terrible life choices” face but is interrupted by the arrival of Gráinne, who’s here to ask if they’ll make an announcement on whatever garbage show is on right now about tonight’s fundraising table quiz for Mo, Incorporated. Caitríona smiles and says yes, which means “yes, unless it requires me to exert one iota of effort,” but Amy says she’ll take care of it by having Bobbi Lee make an announcement on her show, which is the only program on this station anyone listens to.

Across the room, Tadhg arrives and starts yelling at Frances that she’s practically emptied their joint bank account and he’s not happy about it. Well, maybe you should’ve looked up the meaning of the word “joint” before now, maith an fear. She asks him to keep his voice down, because she has never met him and is under the impression he cares what anybody thinks. He screams some more, and she hisses that life is expensive, especially now that she and Áine have developed a taste for tiaras, but that if he doesn’t want all their personal business to be on the radio, perhaps he’d like to go in the other room and discuss this calmly over a nice bowl of diamond soup.