After the break, during which we learn that Ariel pods are the first detergent pods to be three different colors, which apparently makes them get your clothes cleaner somehow, Sam is standing beside Sonia’s bed trying to show her a get-well card he made her. She’s unresponsive, and he asks Pádraig in a tone that’s about 30 percent sad and 70 percent annoyed why she hasn’t opened her eyes yet. Because he is a good father, Pádraig refrains from explaining that it’s because even pure evil needs to rest sometimes and instead says that she’s been in a deep sleep for a long time, so it will take her a while to wake up. Yes, let’s please not try to rush the waking-up process here. There’s more discussion of poor Sam’s abandonment issues, but then he brightly volunteers that once Sonia wakes up and discovers he’s got his own room at Pádraig’s house, she’ll probably let him stay over there all the time! Yes, that seems likely.
Back at the beach, Mo suggests that maybe David realized he’d forgotten something and had to drive into town to get it, such as an “I ♥ Galway” T-shirt or a 50 Shades of Grey audiobook. Gráinne, however, is too busy cursing David for jilting her at the altar, such as it is, like a fool, and now she’s got all this seaweed here and no one to eat it. She frets that David has left her because they can’t have children together, and Mo kindly explains to a confused-looking Obi-Wan Kenobi that David did that once before, so it’s not as random a remark as it seems. Just then they spot David in his mud-covered tracksuit hobbling over the dunes using the mermaid spine as a cane, and she runs over to him and gives him a big hug. Well, you can’t spell “This is wacky” without “This is wack.”
The sun seems to have come out down at the beach, and the wind has died down enough that Colm and Merlin aren’t having to hold Gráinne down. It took some serious seafóid to get us to this point, but now that we’re here, the ceremony is quite lovely. They vow to support each other no matter how much seaweed they slip on or how many beehives they kick because they thought it was a soccer ball, and then Merlin ties the ribbons around their hands and pronounces them married. Gráinne helps David hobble over the broom and they kiss, unaware of the nearby lighthouse that is about to collapse and land on David’s groin.
We see Tadhg trying to reassure a nervous Maggie as they stroll down the street towards the pub, and then we cut inside, where Bobbi-Lee announces that when she gets married, the reception won’t be in this dump, that’s for sure. John Joe and Mack insult her for a while for no particular reason, but just as she’s about to tie their willies together and then kick them apart, Annette orders everyone to shush because David and Gráinne are coming. Everyone cheers as the door opens and in walk…Tadhg and Maggie. Well, this is the most awkward thing since…well, the thing that’s going to happen 5 minutes from now. Annette announces Take 2, promising this time it’s actually the correct people coming in, so we do it all over and this time it is indeed David and Gráinne who enter. There is cheering and hugging and whatnot, and then Caitríona introduces them to the woman who’s responsible for all this...Oprah Winfrey! No, it’s Annette, which is a surprise to both of them, particularly Gráinne, who thinks Annette is the worst person in the world but would feel differently if she’d ever met Sonia. Annette hands them an envelope with the rest of the money she owes them, or at least photocopies of money she has made on the copier at the shop. She exits, and Gráinne excitedly tells David that with all this money they can go on a honeymoon now—maybe even to Bali! I was under the impression that Caitríona was the only one who was “eat up with Bali,” as my 98-year-old grandmother would say, but OK. He immediately poo-poos this idea by saying that his mother will be devastated if they don’t honeymoon in Kerry instead. Well, they’re practically the same thing.
Upstairs, Frances is sitting at the table trying to catch her breath and keep herself from falling apart, and it’s clear that even she is in shock over what she’s just done. Tadhg arrives to help the situation by yelling at her, but she’s able to pull herself together and fight back. He says he can’t believe she attacked Maggie publicly, and she counters that the pair of them came prancing in together publicly, so he can knock off the innocent victim act. He picks the papers up off the table and tells her that she could’ve attacked him all she wanted and still gotten anything she asked for, but now that she’s gone after Maggie, she’s going to get nothing. He rips up the paper and storms out, and when she’s alone, Frances sits back down at the table and bursts into tears. So, maybe this is not the best time to ask, but is somebody going to take David to the hospital for his broken leg or what?