At the pub, Breadgate continues, with Bobbi-Lee demonstrating that the new slices can be used to hammer in nails and sand down the bar for varnishing. She asks again about the possibility of Maggie resuming her bread delivery, which is only kind of a euphemism, and Tadhg pretends not to know who Maggie is and then tells her to shut up and set out the feckin’ bread. There’s a bit of confusion in which Tadhg thinks Mo and Bobbi-Lee are talking about how he’s clearly missing Maggie and should go up to see her, when in fact they are of course talking about Frances. It’s important to be able to correctly identify the woman who is about to kill you, especially when she’s your wife. Máire arrives, and of course she’s once again looking after Liam Óg, who at this point spends more time in the pub than Bobbi-Lee does. She sidles up to Micheál and puts in a plug for Fia as the perfect radio employee he’s been looking for. Fia’s qualifications include dancing to the radio with her eyes closed while off her head on mystery pills and also being able to spell “radio” with 70 percent accuracy. He can’t seem to find her CV in the pile of applications FOR SOME REASON, but Máire assures him he’ll be receiving it soon, because Fia stayed “at a friend’s house last night so she could work on it.” Oh, dear. Further down the bar, Mo, who may or may not be working, is playing on her phone and is shocked to discover on Facebook that Katy and Jason just got married! She asks Tadhg why he didn’t tell anyone, and it’s clear from his reaction it’s because they didn’t bother informing him. To be fair, maybe they tried calling him, but there’s no mobile coverage deep in Maggie’s hedges.
Máire and Liam Óg’s world tour continues with a stop at the café, where Briain is busy demonstrating his worth by wiping down the customers and frying the lasagna. Evan happens to be there, which gives him an opportunity to complain some more about what a bad mother Fia is, which we just can’t get enough of. Máire repeats the story about how Fia stayed at a friend’s house last night working on her CV, as one does in Máire’s world apparently, and Evan rolls his eyes and assumes that means Fia was up all night snorting coke off Boy George in a Supermac’s toilet. She reminds him that she has to go work at the pharmacy later, which we had forgotten was a thing, and asks if he could watch Liam Óg in the very remote chance that Fia and her CV haven’t materialized by then. He protests that he’s too busy, as evidenced by the fact that he’s been sitting around the café chatting with his BFF Briain all morning, but says he’ll ring and check on Fia, because he’s also got some advice he’d like to give her about her CV. That advice is “Go jump off a bridge, and also use a nice traditional font like Times New Roman.”
Evan and Liam Óg stop by the café, and Berni harasses them for a while. Well, mostly Evan, but Liam Óg by association. She carries on for a bit about some nonsense errand she wants him to run to the bank, and you can tell it’s serious because she bugs her eyes out on stalks and jabs her finger at the counter so hard sparks shoot out. He offers to go to the bank if she’ll watch Liam Óg while he’s gone, but she barks that she and Briain are too busy working to look after a baby. Briain volunteers to look after the café so Evan can watch the baby and Berni can go to the bank, and she frets for a while that Briain has only worked there for five minutes and as far as she knows is a complete dumbass. Ultimately, however, she decides she has no other choice and grudgingly agrees. Of course, another option would be for Evan to go to the bank and leave Berni there watching the baby while Briain works, and then if something happens that is beyond Briain’s abilities, she will be there to help out, only if it’s to give advice, or to swap places and let Briain go keep the baby alive. But then I’m not a genius titan of industry like Berni, so what do I know?
- Mother (part-time), 2015-present
- Typing: 6 words per minute
Across town, Tadhg is busy electrocuting himself on Maggie’s stove. (Amusingly, he says, “Á a dhiabhail a bhitch,” which the subtitles translate as, “Christ!”) I’m unconvinced that electrical rewiring is the best intro to DIY for someone who clearly has no idea what he’s doing, although I suppose we should be grateful he’s not trying to reroute the gas line. Pretending to be lightly shocked must be much easier than pretending to be lightly exploded, even for an actor of Macdara Ó Fátharta’s caliber. Once his feet are touching the floor again, Maggie suggests that perhaps they call someone who is more knowledgeable about this sort of work, such as anyone. Tadhg says she doesn’t want that slimeball from Donegal hanging around here, because there’s only room for one slimeball in Maggie’s life, and that spot is taken. They exchange meaningful glances over a sexy tea towel, and then Maggie literally asks him if he’d be interested in cleaning out her gutters. They are just making this waaay too easy for me.
Back at the Maggie Free Library, Tadhg announces that he’d better go, but she wants him to stay, because as we all know, he is charming and delightful. She offers to read her other favorite book to him, Mr. Men Go to the Zoo, so he takes off his coat and sits down, and this is a very cozy situation-slash-future murder scene indeed.
Berni flies into the café in frantic “Don’t panic! Don’t panic! Mama’s here!” mode, and seems vaguely disappointed to find all is well and Briain has everything under control. You can tell she’s been practicing her “you’re fired!” lecture in the car all the way back from the bank and is now surprised to see that the customers are actually much happier and look less like they’re being held against their will than when she’s there. She’s so pleased with the non-burning-down that’s happening that she offers Briain a permanent job, which saves him a lot of trouble, because he was about to take off his shirt and start doing hanging inverted crunches off the counter, which is his CV. He bounces off brightly to badminton practice or whatever just as Bobbi-Lee arrives, and when Berni announces Briain will be staying around a while longer because she’s just hired him, Bobbi-Lee turns her bombshell-ometer up to 11 and declares that Briain is going to be a great catch for “someone.” Or possibly “everyone,” given that half the town seems to be developing special and confusing feelings for him.
They say their goodbyes, and their eye contact goes on a moment too long, and then he dashes out, leaving her looking longingly at him as he goes. When he gets outside, he leans up against the wall and gives a meaningful look while breathing heavily, and I’m glad they’ve introduced the books-and-reading metaphor to this relationship, because I’d just about run out of gardening double entendres. Come back next week when we will discuss Tadhg inserting his bookmark into Maggie’s pages!