At the pub, Caitríona innocently announces, apropos of nothing other than the fact that Mo is standing there and this will get a reaction out of her, that Colm seems to be getting on well in his new job. This is Mo’s cue to freak out and pour coffee in Caitríona’s purse, which still makes her the best service-industry employee in town. Once the mess is cleaned up, using what I’m sure is the same rag Bobbi-Lee uses to wipe the toilets, Caitríona explains that Colm is working just up the road in Galway as a financial advisor. Just the other day I read that hiring in Ireland’s money-laundering sector increased this year for the first time since the Celtic Tiger, so this makes sense. Satisfied that she’s stirred up trouble, Caitríona wanders off, and when Mo goes to have one of her nervous breakdowns in the corner, Tadhg follows her and tells her she needs to a) forget about that blackguard Colm and b) get her act together, because she’s been as useless as Bobbi-Lee around here lately. She tells him to mind his own business and leaves to take her third break of the morning, which means her transformation into Bobbi-Lee is complete.
Mo is over at Gaudi looking at photos of herself and Colm on her phone until the battery goes dead, but then Pádraig produces the appropriate charger out of nowhere and she “borrows” it. I’m not sure what this dead battery/charger-warehouse sequence has to do with anything, but the important thing is that Pádraig continues to have the best haircut of the season. Vanessa arrives just as Fia is concluding an important business meeting that turns out to be with a pub owner who wants her to make some him some new curtains. She’s not thrilled because he wants them all in one color rather than her usual array of vividly clashing patterns, but she supposes it’s a start, and hopefully she’ll be able to move on from curtains to dresses before long. I’m pretty sure Stella McCartney got her start making pub curtains, too.
Gráinne appears at the café and literally slings a pile of Loinnir flyers onto a table, which suggests the bloom is off the rose of the new job already. Berni tells her she wants to schedule an appointment, so Gráinne assumes she wants her usual fringe-sharpening and cheek-rosying, but she clarifies that this time she wants “the works,” which includes buffing, scrubbing, and a coat of Turtle Wax. Gráinne loudly announces that women only ever want “the works” for one reason—A MAN—which gives nearby Bobbi-Lee a hearty laugh. Berni insists that there is no man, which Gráinne doesn’t believe, so she starts harassing her for details until Bobbi-Lee proclaims that if Berni had a man, she’d know it, what with her amazing powers of observation, snooping, and gay matchmaking. Mack arrives and accuses everyone of excluding Dee when they’re together, and they’re all basically like, “Well, to be fair, we only exclude her because she’s terrible.” Berni and Bobbi-Lee declare this accusation seafóid, but Gráinne generously volunteers that perhaps they could all make more of an effort with her. Is there an Irish equivalent of “no good deed goes unpunished?” Mack reminds them that they all had good fun with Dee at Halloween, which causes Gráinne to make a hilarious “‘fun’ might be an overstatement” face, and then there’s extended awkwardness in which they all stare at the ceilings and walls to avoid agreeing to spend time with Dee. Gráinne blinks first in this particular game of chicken and says she’ll meet Dee for a drink tonight. Hasn’t Gráinne suffered enough this season already?
Back at the pub, Frances is still in search of Tadhg to fix that table that keeps spraying scalding hot water on people, but Mo tells her he left. We cut to Gaudi, where Pádraig icily greets Bobbi-Lee. She apologizes for putting her foot in it with Adam and messing things up between them, and he plays hard to get, so she gives up and starts to walk away, at which point he realizes he’s milked this guilt trip for all it’s worth and agrees to forgive her if she promises never to play matchmaker again. They really are delightful together.
Over at a table, Fia complains to Evan that having Vanessa around has been OK-ish, but that she’s ready for her to go the hell back where she came from already, because having her around all the time is doing her head in. Right on cue, the Aussie Head-Doer-Inner arrives, which gives Fia the opportunity to tell her that Qantas has some great deals at the moment, but they’re only valid through 4pm today, so she’d better get packing. Vanessa does her “Are you trying to get rid of me?” routine, which Fia of course denies, and by the way, did she know that Emirates, Etihad, and Qatar all offer convenient one-stop service from Dublin to Australia now? Dublin International Airport: Making Getting Rid Of Vanessa Easier Than Ever. Vanessa agrees that she misses Niall, and that maybe Fia’s gotten her shit together enough that she can leave her without her immediately smoking crack with Pól and getting a triple-concussion now.
Back at the pub, HR Manager Bobbi-Lee has helpfully drawn up next week’s rota. Shockingly, however, it seems to give her all the best shifts and has Mo cleaning the toilets every night from 6pm till closing, so Frances says, “Yeah, right!” and rips it in half. Tadhg decides to put in an appearance, so Frances pulls him aside and asks him where the hell he’s been. He makes up some nonsense about alphabetizing the coffin shed, which annoys her, and she snaps that he ought to try spending some of this energy doing things around the pub, such as fixing that bloody table that keeps electrocuting people. He grudgingly turns the table over and demands Bobbi-Lee bring him a Phillips, which of course makes her ask who this “Phillip” is and whether he’s cute and single. Yes, but he’s also gay. He tells her it’s a screwdriver located under the sink, and then makes pirate sounds after injuring himself on the Table of Death. Mo tells him to stop complaining, so he takes the opportunity to again point out that she’s been skittering around like a frightened rabbit zombie for weeks. While of course there’s an element of “and I’m sick of looking at it”—this is Tadhg, after all—there’s also genuine concern here, because he hired the tough, feisty, take-no-prisoners Mo that Séamus was always bragging about, and he wants her back. This seems to give her something to chew on in the foreground as, in the background, we see Tadhg silently and hilariously pointing out to Bobbi-Lee where the “sink” is and what a “screwdriver” looks like, because these technical terms are clearly too much for her.
Gráinne has arrived at the pub and immediately reports to Frances that she keeps seeing Tadhg at Maggie’s doing odd jobs and running errands for her, including earlier today. As you’d imagine, this causes Frances to grind her teeth until sparks fly out, and gives Cóilí Jackie, who’s taken a break from destroying the gents’, a good chuckle. Frances asks him what’s so funny, and he tells her she must be blind if she can’t see what’s going on between her husband and “that rich lady” up the hill.
Across the bar, Gráinne and Bobbi-Lee are watching Berni and Briain canoodling at a table, and it’s obvious to anyone who hasn’t suffered a recent head injury that something is going on between the two of them, but our two favorite blondes don’t recognize it. Bobbi-Lee chalks Briain’s giggling squirminess up to his being a laughing idiot, but Gráinne thinks it’s just that he’s related to David, who is also perpetually delighted by nothing. So, that’s two votes for “laughing idiot” then. Gráinne is more interested in the fact that Berni’s not being a miserable wagon, which I think we all agree is the more noteworthy phenomenon here, and repeats her theory that she must have a man. Bobbi-Lee shoots her down once again, pointing out that the only places Berni goes are home and work, and adding that all the men around this dump are loser uggos anyway. She leaves, and just then Berni lets out a loud laugh at something hilarious Briain’s pecs just said, and Gráinne stupidly shrugs as if it’s not completely obvious what’s going on here.
And over at Berni’s, she and Briain are on the sofa eating each other’s faces off when we hear the door open, and we all think the shit’s about to hit the May-December fan, but the two of them are able to put their pants back on and fly to opposite sides of the room before Bobbi-Lee makes her entrance. They act suspiciously, but because it doesn’t look like either of them is about to give her money, Bobbi-Lee is uninterested in whatever they’re doing and exits again. Well, that was disappointing, but at least we can still look forward to Evan arriving in search of his phone and committing a double homicide.
Fia bursts into the B&B kitchen to tell Vanessa about Gráinne’s wedding dress, but her joy turns to gastrointestinal despair when Niall appears and says hello. Vanessa beams that the whole family is finally together under one roof again and tries to pull them all in for a group hug, but Fia manages to slip through her armpit so she’ll be as far away from Niall as possible. Well, this is the most awkward family reunion since, well, every Thanksgiving dinner in America yesterday.